Heartless Beasts

7 posts
Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 740
Reviews 1
Sooner or later, it was sure to happen. Perhaps in another fifty years, maybe forty. Time was slipping away so quietly, and so was the hope of new life. As Earth rotated on its axis, the more drained of energy it became. Slowly, the planet that had once been full of vivacity and life was now turning towards darkness. Every second, a prevailing force pushed it towards its ultimate doom. People may ask of this powerful force, but they are oblivious to the harsh facts. That force, could only be us – humanity.

Somewhere in the U.S.A., a black Mercedes-Benz sped across the highway, leaving behind a thick trail of grey smoke…

It was now May, 2026. Twenty years had passed. Large areas of forest had been cleared, leaving behind in South America a paltry patch of greenery, a result of the efforts of environmental agencies to stop deforestation. There were hardly any signs of life in it. Trees cut down over the years were usually processed into paper, if not, they now rested in various houses of the world as various types of furniture.

Somewhere in Sydney, an air-conditioner blinked alive…

Time zoomed past, and it was already thirty years since Hawaii had been engulfed by the melted glaciers in the North. Global temperatures had risen so much, snow had ceased to appear anywhere except for the North and South poles. Humanity had been plagued with respiratory diseases caused by the increasing amount of air pollutants, and was getting scarcer than before.

Somewhere in Russia, the last of the Russian Spadefish had perished of mercury poisoning…

2095 arrived, but with no warm welcome. A war was raging between the U.S.A. and Japan, which had been ignited by the supposed misuse of technology by a Japanese terrorist causing the malfunction of U.S.A.’s main computer system, which resulted in drastic effects worldwide. American troops marched into Japan and did not hesitate to use their secretly-created weapons of mass destruction. In America, nuclear bombs fell like raindrops, devouring the cities one by one. The city dwellers of the other countries who did nothing to help, did not have a good time either – nature seemed to be condemning their selfish acts by hurling at them natural disasters like floods and droughts. Oceanic life had long become extinct, and these natural disasters had destroyed all crops. Plant and animal species on land were also disappearing speedily. Fast enough, the whole world had fallen into the hands of fatal disaster. The remaining remnants of humanity were dying of diseases, starvation, natural disasters and war, and were vanishing from the face of earth. The world was coming to an end.

The war lasted 4 years, and coupled with the frequent occurrence of natural disasters, wiped out almost the entire human race. Specks of life stayed on, but not for long. Death loomed over them. By year 3000, the last of life had given way. There was not a seed left to germinate, not a child left crying for his parents. The living conditions were far too harsh for any organism to survive. Corpses lay among the debris of collapsed buildings. Water bodies dried up in the unbearable heat. Yet, the last human to stand on the surface of earth never knew that all this terrifying change had been caused by the human race.

We, humans, rob the world of its resources to satisfy our greed. Had we not known that what we were doing was causing an irreversible damage to ourselves? We did not stop to think, to think hard, if what we were doing was right. We did not hear the cries of helpless animals as they were slaughtered. We did not notice the agony of the trees we felled to make furniture with. We did not sense the suffering of our human friends when we declared war against them. What Mother Earth had given to us so unconditionally, we used to stab her right back.

Humans, I swear, must be the most heartless beasts to roam the Earth.
C'est la vie!




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 17
This story, I must admit, is a tad depressing. If you intend to write a book or even a short story like this you should do extensive research first. I think you may have gone a little overboard when you said nukes were being constantly fired. Countries have almost always not used nukes unless absolutely necessary. Personally, I think that there are too many stories like this, but if this subject really int rests you then keep writing about it.
About my name...don't ask




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 4
In my opinion, what I read perhaps goes for a description of a setting in which you would now place your story but it felt more like a list of events than a story.In reading this I was reminded of that old literary adage, "It is better to show than to tell." ......it is potentially a workable premise tho.
<<Perfectly`~`Insane>>...Queen in a lost world but i will not be saved.
"Well I was born brave but Im bolder now
Was cold from birth but Im colder now
A murder! Them fi know say man a born soulja
Over di years, and still a soulja now."-Assassin




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 12
I like perspective stories like these, but at the beginning it didn't feel like that at all. It just felt like...a prediction [where parts of it seem very possible in the future] rather than a story. I think I would've like to know the narrator a little more, I do know that they disliked [even despised] humanity but that's all I know. I can't say it was bad though.

A war was raging between the U.S.A. and Japan, which had been ignited by the supposed misuse of technology by a Japanese terrorist causing the malfunction of U.S.A.’s main computer system, which resulted in drastic effects worldwide.


I think this long sentence could've been written better. It's long winded and uses 'which' twice. Repeating words and similar sounds are valuable literary devices but I don't think that worked in this piece.

I believe it could've been broken up and the idea would've come across much better. I'll just give an example of what I mean...

    2095 arrived, but with no warm welcome; the U.S.A. and Japan were waging war against each other. The war had been ignited by the 'misuse' of technology courtesy of a Japanese terrorist that caused the U.S.A's main computer system to malfunction, the effects were catastrophic and felt around the world.


There are probably better ways to write that, I'm fairly new to the world of writing. Anyway, I enjoyed reading it and all the detail. I certainly hope to read more of your work!




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 164
Its really... Awsome.
Wait, I'm not sure if thats the correct term. Most of it is true and probably will come true, unfortunatly. The thing with the Benz and when you skipped around some, was a bit random. Al together, very well done.
I presonally thought you were a bit vauge, and like you couldn't really decide which part of the earth's doom you should focus on.

I really loved the part with mother natue at the end.

:lol:

He he. I like that smiley face's flippy lip!
I used to rule the world, see it rise when I gave the word, now in the morning I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to own

-Coldplay, Viva La Viva




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 6
one question: do you ike writing about all this?

I mean, it sounds like a good set up for a novel about a group of the last humans ever, fighting their way to make the world a better place or something. I don't think God would ever let that to happen to His earth. Of course, it IS only fiction but...whatev


Just a few things here:
Somewhere in Sydney, an air-conditioner blinked alive…
Maybe something other than air conditioning...kinda...lame almost? So sorry! I like it when people critisize my work but i hope you don't mind! Yikes!

The war had been ignited by the 'misuse' of technology courtesy of a Japanese terrorist that caused the U.S.A's main computer system to malfunction, the effects were catastrophic and felt around the world.

Confusing sentance, that's all.

Over all quite the story! I liked it, well writed and all.
Hurrah!
Have fun later in life!
God's thunder spits fire and sends the oak trees dancing, a wild dance, whirling; the pelting rain strips their branches. We fall to our knees-we cry out, "glory".




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 7241
Reviews 721
Personally, I liked it quite a lot. Though the plot wasn't particularly original, it was well-written. I think the kind of distant narration gives it an almost journalistic effect, which (if that's what you're going for) is great.

I have a few comments.
Firstly, that sentence that Crimson and fueledbyjoy mentioned (about the war between USA and Japan) was a bit confusing and can benefit from a re-write.

OK, here comes my critique:
"Slowly, the planet that had once been full of vivacity and life was now turning towards darkness." --I think it would read better as "Slowly, the planet that had once been full of vivacity and life turned towards darkness"

"Trees cut down over the years were usually processed into paper, if not, they now rested in various houses of the world as various types of furniture." -- Either make that first comma a period, or make it "and"

"The war lasted 4 years, and coupled with the frequent occurrence of natural disasters, wiped out almost the entire human race." --first comma should be after "and," not before it.

"Specks of life stayed on, but not for long. Death loomed over them." --Semi-colon, not period (I think, anyway)

"We did not notice the agony of the trees we felled to make furniture with." --You ended this sentence with a preposition. I would say that that's fine, but not for this kind of piece.

"What Mother Earth had given to us so unconditionally, we used to stab her right back." --That doesn't make sense. Saying "stab her right back" implies that she stabbed us... I don't think that's what you were going for.

"Humans, I swear, must be the most heartless beasts to roam the Earth. " --You didn't say anything in first-person singular previous to this sentence... you may want to do something about that.

-----

Sorry for how long this was! I liked the piece, I really did. My suggestions are just suggestions; take them or leave them.
By the way... this is my first post!! :P



I, for one, welcome my new tomato overlords...
— Snoink