The Weeping Willow

She stood a lonely
tree by the rivers high bank.
There she weeps no more.

javascript:emoticon(':lol:')I've edited this Haiku once already. I hope it's okay. "For those who don't no what a Haiku is" it is a 17 syllable poem normally about nature.

a lone

Should be alone

That was nice and short (my favourite kindof Poetry)

A different outlook on a tree. As i said it was nice

You're young, so you're new to poetry.

This doesn't really give me anything.

I suggest you read poetry, and books on poetry. Read poems on the site and look at critiques, find what is good. Continue to learn, yes? But you're a beginner. Poetry needs more than three lines, and some words. You need to put emotion into it, and beauty.

Best of luck.

I thought twas nice, except for what Jules said about "alone" being all one word.

That was really good for a person who is just starting Haiku... I think that my friend wrote something worse than that, which is saying a lot becuase in haikus there is a limit meaning it is easier, becuase it is smaller. Although, she is a really good poet. Oh and thanks for the little review on haikus!! Good luck to you.

--Lucky_Duck

You repeated the idea of loneliness, and you should use your 17 syllabals to expand on something rather than say the same thing twice.

Also, adding some punctuation would be helpful as the first time I read it, I thought that "a lonely" was meant to be read as "a-lonely" like in a childlike voice, rather than as "a lonely tree". Below is what I'd suggest for punctuation:

She stands, a lonely
tree by the river's high bank,
where she weeps alone.

I'm not really fond of Haikus because it's very difficult to say everything you want in so few words but this wasn't bad for an early attempt. Work on using more unique language and imagery in your next poem and perhaps use a less confined structure so that you can expand on your ideas. It's nice though.

I think your choice of language could have been better; more suited towards you topic. For instance, instead of stand, stoop. You get the idea? Also, since a haiku is so short you have to be especially careful that it leaves an impact, and the only way to accomplish this is through choice of language.

I think that altogether this poem is nice. When you read over it once it seems really beautiful and simple but I do think the the last line needs to change. It just seems awkward when you repeat the same idea twice. Otherwise it was wonderful, especially for your first Haiku.

Keep it up!
~Rieda

Note 1: it's "haiku." Spell it correctly and experienced readers will be more inclined to take you seriously.

Note 2: Don't double-post. If you think of something you want to add to your previous post, and no one has posted since, you should edit it in. If you're not sure how to do that, just send me a PM and I'll walk you through it.

Now to the haiku itself:

It's not bad. Nothing incredibly original, and as a haiku--which has the potential to be one of the most moving and powerful forms of poem because of its brevity--it lacks impetus and impact. Also, "a lone" should be "alone," and your punctuation's a bit off. I've revised it with those corrections below:

She stands, a lonely
tree by the river's high bank,
where she weeps alone.

Also, there's something that doesn't flow quite right about it, especially the last line. Personally, I would have written it thus:

She stands, a lonely
tree by the river's high bank:
there she weeps alone.

If I'm correct, a haiku is... 5 syllables, then 7 syllables, then five syllables. so, just cause it has 17 syllables doesnt necessarily make it a haiku.

As mentioned before, it should be alone, not a lone.

but, good try for your first haiku. Better luck next time.

-Pros