Cheek Bones To Pull-Apart [Make a Wish]

Freckles trace the trail[ing place]
At stead where tip meets lid[lash grace].
Crest of fingerprint[embrace]
Ear-tip-to-cheek-hid[en chase]

where Finger And freCkle collidE

You are very interesting. I dont know.

Not great with poetry but it sounds cool. I like how you did the thing with the where finger and freckle collide.

Cool

Ed, you always manage to astonish me. Though I'm sure it has some sort of meaning to it, I really can't see it (Yay for me and my lack of an imagination!) Still, I love the way everything sounded, especially when you look at from different sides and dynamics. Well done!

I cannot see the meaning in this either. To be honest with you I didn't like it, I felt it was just there and I think you concerntrated more on putting the words in brackets on the end to make it sound and look more interesting, it just didn't work for me, I much prefer your other work. I think you need to establish a meaning that will make the reader think more about this instead of just fotgetting about it.

Gosh I sounded rather mean there! Well, I guess you would rather have an honest reviw ya?

All the best,
Meevs

Whats with the brackets? It sounds confusing, so maybe its a good poem?

If your intention was to make people who consider themselves intelligent chuckle to themselves and think "An exquisitely verbose description of the face" then you have succeeded.

If your intention was to make people who don't consider themselves intelligent think "Don't know what it means, so it must be clever, and it spells FACE down the side" then you have succeeded.

A nice piece, but it does lean towards being purple, maybe that was the desired effect? Exaggerated complexity does come across as being clever, and you pulled it off well.

Hey, its, uh, interesting. But it seems you have an obsession with the word FACE. You may need to have that checked out.

No, it is a good piece. I don't get the brackets either but its poetry, so who cares. Poetrys about expression. You could have slept FACE PHACE if you wanted to. I wouldn't suggest it though.

Anyway, maybe next time, explain why you put brackets and stuff like that. Its helpful.

Ofour wrote:If your intention was to make people who consider themselves intelligent chuckle to themselves and think "An exquisitely verbose description of the face" then you have succeeded.

If your intention was to make people who don't consider themselves intelligent think "Don't know what it means, so it must be clever, and it spells FACE down the side" then you have succeeded.

A nice piece, but it does lean towards being purple, maybe that was the desired effect? Exaggerated complexity does come across as being clever, and you pulled it off well.

...

Well now I feel like a moron Good thing I knew it was true from the beginning.

Very imaginative and well written. Your choice of language and the use of brackets are both original and refreshing. Well done with this one Whence and I do hope you'll enter my competition.

This is really, really, really, really, really cool, so I guess that make's it super cool. I can see a mean very.... distantly. Maybe you could just clear it up a bit.

Oy! To clear things up, I'll briefly explain what an acrostic is. It's a poem where the subject is spelt out by the first letter of each line. So simply put, this poem is describing a face.

But thanks for the crits, (Ofour especially )

I really, really want to make an intelligent comment here, but I have little idea as to what to say (no, please do not put me in one of Ofour's groups ^_^).

It was nice, and I liked the bracketed bits, but I'm not terribly fond of that last line, especially as you've bolded the word face. If this was to call attention to the fact that it was an acrostic poem, I don't think that was too necessary.

"at stead" doesn't make sense to me.

Also I read it exempting the parts in brackets, and it made less sense. I use brackets only when something can be taken out and so have a double meaning, and you used it [so I think?] for the cool double rhyme. Which was really cool.

My acrostic is going to kick your acrostic's butt!

Yes Claw, but isn't still legit? [w/o brackets, that is]

Well, it's a bit less clear, and it changes the meaning a bit; but I hoped it worked. And yes, I rather liked my double-rhyme