You gave us a poem, but not much to it. I can't entirely grasp what is even going on in it.. But that might just be me. I think you need to add more feeling into it. More imagery, those sort of things. It'd do better with that.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.” ― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
I think you have some good ideas here, but they've been clouded by lengthy words (though I did like the part about sand making castles by itself ^_^). See how you can condense things so that you say everything all together; I think it will have a stronger effect. Also, expand on a few of the things you've begun to say; it will make more sense and be easier to read that way.
the flow got iffy at parts, and the repetition clashed with my inner-poetic righteousness.
But I'm in a rambly mood, so that probly won't make sense.
Regardless, this seemed over-simplistic at parts, and over-complicated at others.
Try to have some weight behind the words.
Oh, and read other's poetry. See what's good, how to do it, and incorporate it in a unique way. Metaphors, strong imagery, and other poetic devices could much help this.
Happy reading
~Ed
The good parts of a book may be only something a writer is lucky enough to overhear or it may be the wreck of his whole damn life — and one is as good as the other.
Ernest Hemingway
