You don't know her

Hi everyone, I just thought of this poem in my English class and i showed it to someone and they said they liked it. So i guess i just wanted to see what everyone thought of it. i don't like it very much but your opinions may differ.


You thought you knew her
But you didn't
She told you
But you never listened
That was the problem
No one listens
Invisible
Is what she is
She knows it
But you refuse to know it
You look at her as she walks away
Forever Invisible
But you notice her
Now and Then
You notice her hurt
Her anguish
She's invisible
Even to you
But you don't understand
She likes being invisible
She may be invisible
But her words are alive
Every word heard
Every-word read
Finally
She's satisfied with being just invisible

Forever Invisible
But you notice her
Now and Then

Um... which one is it?

Are some things only capitalized for the hell of being artistic? What about the lack of punctuation? I don't have a problem with it if you have a real reason.

This mostly seemed like a lot of words to say "you don't see her, she knows it, you won't, she's sad, she's OK".

Punctuate. Please. Poetry & Punctuation

This poem was really stuck in its self. Pull it out of its self, and rewrite it. In other words: make us feel something, pay more attention to the reader instead of the girl. Why is she "invisible"? What happened to her that is so horrible? Tell us, let us relate.

no punctuation... It doesn't bite, I promise. Punctuation helps with everything from clarity to emphasis, and is just pretty darn cool in general.

As for content, there seem to be two strands of meaning spinning through this. The first one appears to be that this girl is invisible to everyone, and is okay with it by the end. The other one seems to be a rant at the person making her feel invisible. See how these can seem to contradict each other, first of all? They might be interesting separately (the first idea, in particular), but together, they're a little too confusing.

Other than the previous, not a whole lot occurs in the poem. Not much develops, so unless directed at a specific person, it won't have much effect directed at the general population. Emotions are helpful in doing this; maybe the guilt the narrator could feel at letting the girl become invisible? I don't know.

PM me if you need any help; I'd be glad to discuss it with you.

-Amelia