Skin

Now you’ll have excuse me, I’ll be gone for a while now
Whilst I rip my skin
don’t know why I’m in the habit
As septic scars wont thin
Got a pain fuelled apatite
My body looks like paper ink refuses
While I rip my skin.

Skin
I don’t know why you do it to me
Places scars wont heal
Stop the carnage of my heart
Prevent the rippin of skin.

The bags under my eyes are framed by scars
While I rip my skin
In pure frustration and confusion
At least my hair grows back again
Want pain, hate pain give it to me!
Just excuse me from your belittling
While I rip my skin.

Skin
I don’t know why you do it to me
Places scars wont heal
Stop the carnage of my heart
Prevent the rippin of skin.


Now can I put it bluntly?
Give me the god damned chair
Girly girls and queers staring at me
Paparazzi clicking madly
News paper says I’m the new elephant man
Fuck you all I’m superman
This is were bullet-resistances get you
Ha! Bullet resistant skin!

Skin
I don’t know why you do it to me
Places scars wont heal
Stop the carnage of my heart
Prevent the rippin of skin.

Eh, I don't usually critique lyrics, because lyrics are meant along side music, but I will anyway. Sorry if I critique it all too much like poetry; I am too used to my niches.

First off, a whole lot of it makes almost no sense. You're just kind of writing what ever comes to mind so long as it includes the words "skin", "pain", "hurt", "scar", etc. and there really isn't anything...in it.

You are obviously talking to someone but...who?

As I said, I tend to critique poetry more often than lyrics, so I'll just take it like a poem, since poems and lyrics are rather close. It was cliche, because, you ALWAYS see lyrics about cutting, teenage pain, scars, hurt, omfg, those sort of things. No, this isn't exactly bad, but what are you bringing to this piece of writing that someone else hasn't? What part of yourself, your individuality, is in this? Sat next to another poem about the same subject matter, I couldn't tell between the two. When writing something like this, you can't just put down words. Make it yours.

It's a poetry article, but it still might help you: Emotional Poetry.

I hope what I said helped.... I'm not the best with lyrics, but best of luck!

I read your lyrics. The song is pretty good. It does confuse me a little. You are a great writer though. Keep writing!

I have to agree with Clau, it did sound a little bit thrown together like. But don;t get me wrong, there is something here, if you work at it you can make it original and something really good!

Meevs
x

well i liked it!
very emotional. personally i like songs that are kinda thrown together. they're more emotional.

eww...you used th word rip too many times too close together which made it sound greusome...I stopped reading it. try finding words other than paper becuase the next time you said rip I pictured dead bodies...

-JC

this is like emo music right? but it is deep, lol forgive my pun. try to put less darkness into your song but some parts dont make sense such like pain and skin try to add more things in but it was sort of confuzing
keep on writing though

*moosie*