Everythings right in your mind

Everythings right in your mind,
You live in your own little world,
Shutting out reality,
The fear of facing the truth,
Never letting in any piece of the world,
Twisting every little thing so it suits your fake little world,
You have the perfect life, In your mind,
But your life isn't perfect, It never has,
Everythings going wrong, But you still live in your false security where everythings just peachy,
Everythings right in your mind.[/i]

too much repetition in a short time and does little to capture the reader.

It's not depressing. And this is better than that other one.

I'll rewrite the poem, keeping the original wording but redoing the punctuation because I tried to correct them all but there's way too many in that one little poem. I'll also split lines where appropriate.

Everything's right in your mind.
You live in your own little world,
Shutting out reality.
The fear of facing the truth,
Never letting in
Any piece of the world.
Twisting every little thing
So it suits your fake little world.
You have the perfect life
In your mind.

But your life isn't perfect.
It never has.
Everything's going wrong
But you still live
In your false security
Where everything's just peachy.
Everything's right in your mind.

Now let's point out the other errors. The fourth line makes no sense when paired with the rest of the poem. Reword this line or the ones that follow.

The eighth line is meissing a word, Been?

Second-to-last line: Not too bad until you get to "just peachy." Get rid of this. Surely you can come up with a creative metaphor or simile to replace this stupd cliche.

I agree with convintojm(oh Tara, someone needs a nicname...). Too much repitition. I would suggest replacing "little world" with something else more creative. You sound like my mother!

Also please delete that italicized statement. It's not that depressing of a poem and that wasn't there when I first saw this. You make people think they're going to read about suicide or something. Although it's good that there was some emotion behind this, unlike that other poem. Although neither poem is particularly great, emotion makes a world of difference.