Keeping Sentry

3 posts
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Points 890
Reviews 321
All this time I’ve been staring beyond the window,
at this wraith that won’t show its face.
For years it had floated, for hours I had watched
until it flicked its tongue like a flame
that raises its eyebrows at you
and licks you to ash. I felt it upon me,
lashing and tickling me like a razor.
Then my eyes came alive and I recognised
you, like a mother does a child she has lost
long ago. So long
she believes it was a dream – all the pain
and sleepless nights and laughter in the streets
and singing under raining lampposts.

You, so thin and pale I saw the trees
clawing the sky through your body –
a body that did not stand or lie
but hung on the air, as on a hatstand.
You put chills down my back,
dizziness in my head, though I had not touched
the vodka since the night you left.
(Just the beer and the whiskey).

What first sewed itself into my mouth
was a curse, so deep and mad
I wanted to bellow it like a caveman,
slam it through the closed window
and into your ear like a bullet.
Then a tear extinguished it, and the steam
tapped the glass politely, whispering,
“Do not escape from me again.” And,
“Please.”
purple sneakers




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Gender Female
Points 6235
Reviews 2631
This poem is very well written. In fact, I couldn't find any mistakes at all which is unusual for me. The one thing I did notice is a slight lack of imagery. I think you could use stronger language to describe the emotions that your persona feels. Other than that though it's very good. Well done.
Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 11
I really liked it too. And I like your imagery--It's awesome just the way it is...please don't change it. Sometimes things need to be changed, and then some times things really don't need to be messed with, but that's just my opinion. I really like the complexity. It's like, this character just isn't simply feeling sad or lost. It's a whole bunch of conflicting emotions, and as a result, it all comes together and makes a picture. Nice.
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I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary.
— Margaret Atwood