The Magic Box- Episode I

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FADE IN

On screen image is the flickering flame of a candle, burning bright against the dark, representative of the hope that exists in all dark places. We hear the harmonious sound of a choir, the melody of their tune complimenting the bright radiance of the flame.

VO: On the 21st day of the month of September, in an early year of a decade not to long before our very own, the human race suddenly encountered a deadly threat to its very existence. And this terrifying enemy surfaced- as most enemies often do- in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely of places.

FADE OUT TO BLACK (Drum-roll which leads into jazzy upbeat tune)

FADE IN:

Bustling market street in 1960's New York. Traders sell fish, women sell fruit, people pass in Cadillac cars. The camera follows Janey down the street. She is a teenager, bright, enthusiastic and extremely good looking. She passes a pimp, clad in a purple tail coat, and he whistles ardently, obviously enjoying the view. She is on her way to meet her Uncle Joe, the proprieter of a small grocery store.

Enters store, cautiously, knowing that her Uncle does not get pleasantly surprised.

JANEY: Uncle Joe?

She looks around. Camera becomes Janey's eyes. PAN LEFT->RIGHT. Shop is chronically untidy, and full of cats.

JANEY: Uncle Joe?

Pushes open door, to find her uncle with his head stuck in a box, laughing hysterically. The box is bright orange. Joe is a balding man at the wrong side of 50, with a harsh Italian American accent.

JANEY: What are you, like, doing?

JOE: (Quickly disposes of box) AGH! What in the name of sweet Judas are you doing here!

JANEY: I forgot to bring you your Pop-tarts last night.

JOE: Give 'em! Give 'em! And get out!

JANEY: Are you okay?

JOE: Fabulous! In fact I'm so good I'm going to write a poem about it!

JANEY: What's in the box!

JOE: What box?

JANEY: Picks up box.) This one!

JOE: Give me that!

JANEY: Have you been smoking crack again!

JOE: Of course not!

JANEY: Joe!!! What's in that BOX!

They fight, engaged in a TUG O' WAR.

JANEY: Give it me!

JOE: No!

JANEY: Give it!

JOE: No!

JANEY: GIVE ME THE FUCKING BOX!

JOE: NEVER!

JANEY: AGHHHHHHHH!

JOE: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE

Janey falls back box in hand and crashes into the cereal shelves, knocking them over. The box falls on to her head.

FADE OUT.

MUSIC: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (Lennon & Mac Cartney)

Janey finds herself floating in the sky, dancing on the clouds. Totally spaced. Her hallucinations are wild and humourous, each image out of this world and literally impossible.

CREDITS

FADE OUT

LOOK OUT FOR Episode II




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coolieo
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First off, I think that you should put your stage directions in bold or italics so that they are seperated from the dialect. Then I'd like you to add more stage directions. For example, how does Janey speak? Does she have a pleasant voice or an annoyingly winey voice? And is all that shouting over a box really necessary? Build the tension more. Perhaps Janey tried to sneak a peek inside the box first and then her uncle catches her and pulls it away. Then the fight over the box could start.
Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.




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You need to italacize the directions for seperation purposes but dont go to heavily into detail about camera angles and stuff.

It's one thing if you write and direct this but if you're writing it for someone else then you just need to get the basics. Many producers hate to much direction. they just wants dialouge they can run with.
"Maybe Senpai ate Yuka-tan's last bon-bon?"
----Stupei, Ace Defective




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This is just kind of frantic. Everything happens too fast. Being a film fanatic, the best stories are teh ones that can keep the plot moving whilst revealling more about the characters. It's a cliche, but the audience DO want to be able to relate their characters.
The fight over the box seems a bit pointless, frankly. Not to be rude, but it's just like a really cheap moment of adrenaline. I would rework that scene.
I like the plot, very mysterious. I'd like to see more,
Stop. Look. Jive!



Just because you don't feel like a hero in your own story, doesn't mean you're not a hero in someone else's.
— Tenyo