Fabled Emperor

Living on the hills
But ruling silently.
Watching his kingdom
Survive beneath his hooves.

No crown of gold
Lies upon his head.
Or cloth around his shoulder
For he is a different royal.

Majestic, proud, beautiful
Are all that describe him.
But none are ever used
For his talents are wasted.

He rises above us
But is made to look down
And worship what he sees.
Made to move on command.

How he would long
To run away to the forests.
His home. His castle.
And live like he should.

And to melt away
In the mist of eve
And live like an emperor
Instead of a mount.

its got a good story line in it but i can't quite see the the beat of it keep up the good work though RoxanneR and i will, your my best friend and my inspiration and you always will be. (love Jack-y-boy)

It's not a story, it's a poem!

Nice POEM (at least I know its a poem ) It was OK. It had some good parts in it, but something just didn't give it any edge.

It seemed pretentious.

Try to incorporate some decent metaphors and don't be so ambiguous and contradictory.

Oh, and maybe an intriguing message or moral would give this some weight.

This was a good poem. I especially liked this:

RoxanneR wrote:Living on the hills
But ruling silently.
Watching his kingdom
Survive beneath his hooves.

Very nice bit here. I don't know why but that rings well with me.

Overall, it's a very pretty piece. It's a good subject; after all, whoever heard of calling a mount a king? Not me, for certain. Yay for nonconformity!

I pretty much liked all the parts, though I wasn't exactly sure what you were talking about until the last lines, which really drew it all together and made me think "Ohh.... That's what it means!" Personally, I think that this is a pretty good thing, though I'm not precisely sure why. Perhaps I liked the element of mystery, and confusion (somewhat) that accompanied this piece.

Keep up the good work!!


Peace, love, chocolate.

Muffin

It was good, but almost not a poem. I think you'd be good at fantasy.