It's Too Late Now

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Have you ever been in a situation where you felt that it would very, very nice indeed to know just exactly when you've gone too far to turn back? Exactly how much was too much to withstand, how long you can go until you're careening out of control?

I have.

It started when I was walking down the road. Just walking. Nothing spectacular about that at all - I just placed one foot in front of another. I was listening to my iPod, and singing along softly, and hoping that maybe I'd pass by some cute boy who could admire the slender cut of my new black jeans against my legs. It sounds egotistical, but ever girl thinks like that sometimes. Above the sounds of guitars and the harmonies that sounded in the small headphones, I heard a voice, shouting my name.

"Sarah! Hey, Sarah, wait up!"

I frowned, switched off my iPod and half-turned in the reddish brown dust of the country road to see who was calling. Rapidly approaching me was a boy, about my age, very tall, with longish, raggedly cut black hair, bright blue eyes and very light skin. He was dressed in a black, button-down shirt and blue jeans. He didn't wear shoes, even though the day was cool and the tall oak trees that lined the road were beginning to turn orange and pink for the Fall. I had never seen him before in my life. He had reached me, now, and I almost laughed as I realized; he had the most amazing looks I had ever seen - but they were so typical for a fantasy story. The elves and those kinds of people always have that striking combination. But, I had to admit, on a real person it was really cute. And cool. But I didn't know him.

"Sarah, I can't believe you just passed me by without saying hello! I was standing just there, in the road."

His voice was high and light; if he was a singer, he'd be a high tenor. I frowned and pulled the headphones out of my ears, wrapped them around the iPod, and stuck them in my pocket. A clever motion, you see, because it seemed casual but it also brought attention to my cool new jeans.

"Um, have we met? I'm sorry, but you seem to know my name, and I don't recognize you at all. And I didn't see anyone standing in the road, there!"

The boy seemed to find my questions very amusing. He laughed, a dry, throaty chuckle, and his eyes lit up like new Christmas lights against the snow.

"We've met, but we haven't met yet. Well, I've met you, but you haven't met me."

I blinked.

"What?"

He shook his head and laughed again.

"Never mind. I know you from somewhere else, I think. And you probably didn't see me in the road because we weren't in Unison yet. We're still not, exactly."

I frowned, then decided to ignore this strange bit of information, as his eyes were glowing in a very distracting and attractive manner.

"What's your name, then...boy who I haven't met?"

He giggled slightly, then presented a long, slender hand to mine.

"I guess...er, I guess you can call me Bob. Or how about Bill?"

I made a face.

"Let's just say you could do a lot better. Can I help?"

He nodded and watched me, listening intently. I thought for a moment, then snapped my fingers.

"I have it! I don't know if this is a boy's name or a girl's name, but you really look like a 'Valerian' to me. I can call you Val."

He laughed and nodded.

"Yes, that's much better than Bob. Bob is short for Robert, is it not? I was told it was a popular name in this Unisi."

I frowned.

"What the hell is a Unisi?"

He shook his head.

"I keep forgetting we're not fully in Unison. Until we're in Unison, I can't explain it to you."

I began to remember myself. Here I was, talking with complete familiarity to a very strange boy who was beginning to spout nonsense. I looked away from his bright blue eyes down to his bare feet.

"Listen, Valerian...I have to go, so...nice to meet -"

He cut me off as I tried to turn.

"No, no! You can't leave! If you leave you'll ruin everything! That is not supposed to happen!"

As he touched my wrist I felt the blood freeze for a split second. My heart a gave a little jump, and suddenly I felt as if I had to know what all this was about. Then I turned slowly back to face him. He was looking at me and his eyes were glowing, his mouth twisted in a tiny, smug smile. Had he done something to me? I frowned and asked,

"Suppose you explain what all this is about, right now."

He frowned and wrinkled his fair skinned brow.

"Well, because this is not a perfect existence, the whole universe is broken up into many different shards of dimension. Each dimension is separated from the other by lack of knowledge about the other dimensions. I was born in the one shard of universe that still contained a knowledge of the whole...a knowledge of what the universe should be. So me and my kind help draw the universe back together by bringing in people into our dimension, one at a time. With each person comes a piece of their dimension; our goal is to put the universe back together
again."

I laughed.

"And if I believe that, next you're going to tell me that the sky is red. Please, Valerian, you're being really weird, and I've got to go -"

He stared at me, dismay growing in his eyes.

"But you must come! I promised to bring you back! You bring a very large shard of your dimension with you, and I told them I would not return without you. Please say you'll come with me willingly, or I will be forced to change your mind for you."

I snorted.

"Now you're really freaking me out. I'm going."

I turned, but as I did, his arm snaked out faster than lighting and grabbed my wrist. He turned me around, held me by the shoulders and placed a light kiss on my forehead. I started to protest, but as his lips landed on my forehead I felt my blood freeze again, and my heart stop momentarily. He kissed me on each cheek, and with each feathery light touch, the same thing happened. Then, he muttered a short word and placed one last light kiss on my lips. I felt small and helpless; that was when I felt my world drop away and I wondered if it was too late to turn back; too late to do anything but ride along in this empty darkness where Valerian seemed to have put me. Suddenly, floating beside me in the dark mist, was Valerian, whose skin seemed to be glowing white in the darkness. He snapped, and we appeared back on the dusty road, surrounded by the beautiful trees. I blinked and staggered, caught myself and stood upright. Valerian looked at me and smiled.

"Now are you ready, sweet Sarah?"

I drew in a deep breath.

"As ready as I'll ever be."
I understood now, with a vague knowledge, what Valerian wanted me to do. So I clasped his hands with mine and looked deep into his eyes. The blue slowly overwhelmed me, turned darker, until it filled my vision with the color of the night sky. I closed my eyes and forgot where my body was, letting my mind sink into the space between the different parts of the universe.

Two blue points of light, bright as evening stars, pulling me, staying fixed upon me, drawing me through the whirl of colors, the sounds, the noises, the screams and curses, laughter and tears...until at last my feet trembled on solid ground. I felt a great weight on my shoulders, dragging me down, so I crumpled to the floor and two tears rolled down my cheeks as I felt the knowledge of the whole world - no, the knowledge beyond the world - crashing down upon me, filling me to the brim and overflowing, and I suddenly felt wonderful. I stood up again, brushed the tears from my eyes and blinked. A slender, strong hand took mine and I smiled up into two blue eyes, bright as evening stars. For better or for worse, I was in a new world. There was no turning back.

TO BE CONTINUED IN THE SCI-FI FORUM...
Last edited by sokool15 on Thu Feb 22, 2007 1:37 am, edited 3 times in total.
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~Albert Einstein




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Hello!
I'd call it science fiction, because it deals with the Shards of the Universe.

sokool15 wrote:Then, he muttered a short word and placed one last light kiss on my lips. And that was when I felt my world drop away and I wondered if it was too late to turn back; too late to do anything but ride along in this empty darkness where Valerian seemed to have put me. Suddenly, floating beside me in the dark mist, was Valerian, whose skin seemed to be glowing white in the darkness.


I really enjoyed this scene, because you described it in a way that I felt like I was actually there. Maybe, I was floating along beside them, because I could see his white skin, and I could hear her scream as the world dropped away. I know that you didn't say she was screaming, but I can infer that she was, from shock not fright.

The only criticism I have is that it seems incomplete. I assume this "new world" was Unison. But, what went on once arriving in Unison?


McMourning




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I would say it's Science-Fiction like the first person. It's good and I look foward to the next part.
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*

I frowned and touched the small button that turned off my iPod and half-turned in the reddish brown dust of the country road to see who was calling.


Long winded, just turn the thing off. Suggestion: I frowned, switching off my iPod.

Rapidly approaching me was a boy, about my age, with longish, raggedly cut black hair, bright blue eyes and very light skin. He was dressed in a black, button-down shirt and blue jeans. He didn't wear shoes, even though the day was cool and the tall oak trees that lined the road were beginning to turn orange and pink for the Fall. I had never seen him before in my life. He had reached me, now, and I almost laughed as I realized; he had the most amazing looks I had ever seen - blue eyes, black hair, white skin, not to mention very tall - but it was so typical for a fantasy story.


You repeat the boy’s looks twice.

His voice was high and light, but mature at the same time.


Can voice be mature?

He laughed, a dry, throaty chuckle that came from his throat rather than his chest, and when he laughed his eyes lit up like new Christmas lights against the snow.


I guess ‘throaty’ explains the laugh coming from his throat rather than chest, right? So you might want to take some of the bits out.

"If you're choosing a name on the spot, that's the worst! Can I help?"


I don’t think ‘the is necessary.

I began to remember myself. Here I was, talking with complete familiarity to a very strange stranger who was beginning to spout nonsense.


Eek, repetition so close! Maybe: ... a complete stranger who was beginning ... / ... a very strange boy who was beginning ...

As he touched my wrist I felt the blood in my bones freeze for a split second. Then I turned slowly back to face him.

"Suppose you explain what all this is about, right now."


If that was me and someone made my ‘bones freeze’ I’d get away as fast as I could rather than wait for this person to explain. Or even look to see if anyone I knew was about, the stranger could be a pervert or something far worse.

"Well, because this is not a perfect existence, the whole universe is broken up into many different shards of dimension. Each dimension is separated from the other by lack of knowledge about the other dimensions. I was born in the one shard of universe that still contained a knowledge of the whole...a knowledge of what the universe should be. So me and my kind help draw the universe back together by bringing in people into our dimension, one at a time. With each person comes a piece of their dimension; our goal is to put the universe back together
again."


Couldn’t this be explained a little more without so much repetition?

"And if I believe that[, next?] you're going to tell me that the sky is red. Please, Valerian, you're being really weird, and I've got to go -"


^^^ See quote

I started to protest, but as his lips landed on my forehead I felt my blood freeze [s]again in my veins[/s], and my heart stop momentarily.


^^^ See quote. Wasn’t it ‘bone’ before and not ‘blood’?

I blinked and staggered, caught myself and stood upright.Valerian looked at me and smiled.


You need a space at the beginning of the sentence.

*

Hello!

I think this could be both fantasy and science fiction.

The girl should be a little more cautious, when things get a little strange maybe she could look for a way out. A stranger knows her name, he says he’s from another world and she is supposed to go with him. To stay with him and have him kiss her, pretty perverty to me.

Though I did like the idea of a pretty normal walk turning into a dimension-travelling story.

It seems incomplete. Her giving away the knowledge so quickly ruined it for me, couldn’t she explore his world, etc, and grow to get to know it and also share her cultures, technology?

-- Myth
.: ₪ :.

'...'




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Thanks for your critiques, guys! I'll go through and carry them out ASAP.
I'll write some more on it and post it in the sci-fi section, so look there if you want to see more. Hey, maybe it'll end up like a TV show, with a new episode each week; each new episode containing exciting new characters being introduced to the Unison! I'll think about it...
Thanks again.
Yours always,
8)
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
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ooo. i'm liking it so far. XD i love fantasy books! just can't write 'em.
it is very intriguing, but in this case i think you should have maybe an intro so we can find out about the main character before she goes off into some strange other dimension or something of that nature. XDD
you're a really good writer! i'm sure the 2 novels you've written are great!
i would have written more than just one novel, but i've been working on that one for so long it's hard to start anything else.
i wrote two in elementary school. but blechh they were retardified.
keep writing!
-Andi x3s youuu-



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