"Life's Score"

My inspiration for this poem was not William Carlos Williams, nor Robert Frost. It was something bigger: Music. Hope you like it!

Life’s Score

Life is a song,
Starting out small,
Slow, weak, under-
Appreciated.
Growing to be louder,
Faster, getting more
Exciting.

Getting fuller as the feminine
Flutes softly come in.
But nobody listens to the
Flutes, as they serenade the
Trombones, tubas, trumpets.

Soon, however, the feminine
Flutes become more obvious,
As they twiddle-iddle-iddle to the
Rat-a-tat-tat of the percussion,
The full, forte bwa-bwa of the
Brass. Oboes blare in, making the
Life song one step closer to being
Complete.

Suddenly, things change: the feminine
Flutes grow slower, weaker, under-
Appreciated.
The full, forte bwa-bwa turns to mere
Memories as they fade to a soft ballad.
Life’s song slowly comes to a sad, sad,
End.

Life is a song,
Starting out small,
Slow, weak, under-
Appreciated:
Just remember to cherish the
Life song, for
Nothing lasts forever,
Not even music.

Hey Elliot. (I hope I spelt that right) This was nice. I Really wish I had something to say about it but I sorta don't. I think the pattern was a little off to me. But that's probably just me. But yeah...It was good and I like how you compared life to a song. I've never thought of it that way.

You're very creative and talented. Keep it up!

*Lindsay*

This is a pretty good poem. Something about the timing (or maybe it's called the rhythm) is a little off. I think it's because you have the ends of sentences on different lines. It sort of screws up the flow, and makes it uncomfortable to read.

So for instance, when you say:
"Oboes blare in, making the
Life song one step closer to being
Complete."

I think it might work better if it was something like:
"Oboes blare in, making the
Life song one step closer to being complete."

Really, it's not too different, and, though I don't know about anyone else, it makes it a lot easier to read. It's sort of a weird jolt thing when you read something like that, it looks like it's fallen off the line completely by accident. Not a good metaphor, but whatever. It's late, what can I say.

I agree with Staring, though, when she said it was interesting that you compared life to a song. I know I've compared life to a river, but it never occurred to me to compare it to a song... Just as well, eh?

Peace, love, chocolate.

Muffin

Hello Elliot! good poem. I think that it didn't really flow with what you were saying. maybe I think it's...never mind I don't know how to put it! Well good job I liked it a lot! I agree with linds on this: how you compared life in this. Keep it up!

See ya round!