Putting Beauty Into Words

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Points 890
Reviews 8
Author's Note: This was written for English, as I would never write a sonnet on my own free will. This follows the common English sonnet format, four quatrains; three having four lines and the last having two. The only rule I didn't follow (as my teacher didn't require it) was writing in Iambic Pentameter, which requires each syllable to be stressed and unstressed respectively. It had to be about someone we love. Once in awhile I will write a poem I like, so I hope you enjoy it.
____

How does one put beauty into words?
One incapable could never be named poet
Its vocation never stands straightforward
I feel it is my duty to owe it.

But what other inspiration then you?
You, who divine aspire to be as fair
For such a paragon reaches so few
As such immaculate grace is so rare.

Oh the elementary things one want
To be glorified by your winsome smile
Or see your face and be sent on a jaunt
These would make any endeavors worthwhile.

Now named a poet; this here is just done,
I shall stay masked, for these have just begun.
"Behind this mask there is more then flesh; there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bullet proof."




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 187
You also did not match the correct line lengths - it is supposed to be ten syllables per line. However, I do not feel it has a great impact on your poem.

On the first reading I felt as if it was satirical - the language was over-done. Granted, such words are nice and impressive, but this is purple, so I thought it satire.

On realisation that you were not writing satire I looked at this in a new light. Ignoring the extravagant words, I liked it. The thoughts within were interesting, if a bit... usual.

Good, but not fantastic. I would rewrite it, making the feelings come more from you than from a thesaurus (whether or not you used one).
ln(-a)=i(pi) + lna



'Hush, hush!' I whispered; 'people can have many cousins and of all sorts, Miss Cathy, without being any the worse for it; only they needn't keep their company, if they be disagreeable and bad.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights