Lost....In the light...

Ok well, yeah...Just reply to this so I can know how much it sucks. Thanks.

I've been in darkness my whole life.
Watching monsters and demons pass by.
No urge to leave or run away.
Just sitting on this silent stool.

I don't need people to keep me company.
My thoughts do me just fine.
No one there to argue with.
Or feel like I'm saying the wrong thing.

I am content.
I am happy.
I am sure.
I am home.

Suddenly

I am ripped from my home.
Pulled into blinding light.
People pass me by.
Some of them stop and say hi.

It hurts to look up.
People are everywhere.
I see all their faults.
I can see them...

No demons to howl in the dark.
No Monsters to attack me while I sleep.
People rushing and needing and wanting.
Everyone, scared of the dark...

I am frozen in this spot.
What is this feeling?
I can't tell.
I think it's fear.

I am lost in this world of people.
This world of emotions.
This world of light.
This hell...


*Staring_at_ceiling*

P.S. This has no rhyming pattern just so you people reading know.

yay! me likie! just watch your spelling. i noticed a few mistakes. all in all, i luv it. its a bit different. luv it! yay!

I couldn't figure out what the last line of the first stanza had to do with the lines before it. I also wouldn't recommend so much punctuation, especially when it coincides with line breaks. I look at punctuation as a tool to clarify or emphisize, and personally don't think it's as necessary when the line breaks break up complete thoughts.

I don't need people to keep me company.
My thoughts do me just fine.
No one there to argue with.
Or feel like I'm saying the wrong thing.

I think that the last line of the second stanza has too many syllabals in it; I find myself reading each one individually instead of absorbing the phrase's meaning.

I am content.
I am happy.
I am sure.
I am home.

Suddenly

I am ripped from my home.

Here, I think that you repeat the word "home" too close together. The second time, you could say something along the lines of "I am ripped away"

People pass me by.
Some of them stop and say hi.

Here, maybe people stop to say hi, so that saying hi is shown as the purpose of these people stopping. Additionally, you might want to change "hi" to something like "hello" because the rhyming sounds out of place as it wasn't established elsewhere in your poem.

No demons to howl in the dark.
No Monsters to attack me while I sleep.
People rushing and needing and wanting.
Everyone, scared of the dark...

Here, you end the first and last lines with "dark" and it jumped out to me when I read it a second time, but it wasn't noticible in a first reading.

Overall, I'm not sure what I think of this. I understand where you're going with it [which is a plus for me because I usually miss these types of things], but I can't decide if it is effective or not. There is alot of repetition past the fifth stanza or so, so you might see if you can try to condense a few things.

On a side note, beginning negatively is not the best way for readers to be introduced to your work, be it poetry or prose.

PM me if you have any questions

Amelia

Really cool poem. I liked the way you reversed hell being bright and crowded instead of being in the dark and alone
I would change the last line to something that connects to the title.
Excellent first draft, though.
Charlotte