Peace and solitude

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magusthemad
Gender Male
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Tue Mar 01, 2005 4:41 am
magusthemad says... · Tue Mar 01, 2005 4:41 am
Peace and solitude
(some have said this is depressing, you have been warned)
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The light has abandoned you to me
Why do you persist
Why do you insist
That you have no need for hate and monotony
Instead come back to me
I only wish simplify your pain and need
But no you still fight
Without hope
Without a cause
Pick up that knife and
Lets walk away so that we
Can find you peace and solitude today
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niteowl
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Tue Mar 01, 2005 9:14 pm
niteowl says... · Tue Mar 01, 2005 9:14 pm
Cool poem. Just some little things. I think you need some punctuation. I also think you should split the fourth line. Also I think you meant to write "to" between "wish" and "simplify" in the sixth line. You could also split up that line if you wanted.

Very cool. I liked it.
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

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nickelpickle
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 162
Tue Mar 01, 2005 9:25 pm
nickelpickle says... · Tue Mar 01, 2005 9:25 pm
this flowed very nicely... I liked it, but you def. need punctuation.. you lose your reader without it... I did like it a lot though:)

-Nicole

BTW. Your poetry is no where near depressing compared to mine:-/
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