head trauma (this is a very short poem)

a madding pain like no other
it tears my brain asunder
a madding pain in my head
i think that i shall soon be dead

okay...

a madding pain like no other

That was a good start...

a madding pain in my head

With a poem this short, you shouldn't be repeating...

i think that i shall soon be dead

A slightly unoriginal ending, but it was okay.

Basically, this poem was entirly too short... You wrote on a topic that needs a whole lot more to it... You need to expand on this...Good rhyming and an okay flow...

Good job!

it sounds simply like a short description of a headache or the like but it doesn't seem to hold anything deeper and so leaves the reader going, yeah and what's your point?

It was short and sweet. But it's hard to say, I guess the repitition didn't really work with the length but then it got the feeling across...you know when your heard is in pain and your so angry! It's weird whenever I get banged on the head my first reaction is anger, then embarrasment then upset. Might try and do a poem about it myself. lol. But yeah short and sweet and inspiring.

I don't think madding is a word. Perhaps you mean maddening?


Perhaps the second maddening should be changed to piercing, god-awful, accursed, or some other adjective to describe pain.

How ironic. Just I read this, I got a weird sort of pain where my neck mets my skull, and now it's spreading through my head....AHHHH!

Too short, really. There's no definite point to it.