Half Lies

5 posts
Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 103
Remember when you whispered forever,
and I heard your voice as a drowning
man hears the people on the shore

--a whisper that dances like moonlight
on the ripples of my mind.

I believed you because the horizon
was shrouded in evening’s dimness

and in the darkness you cannot feel
time passing, or your dreams dying,

only

the way your hand caressed my face.

It’s only logical that forever makes
more sense when you cannot see tomorrow,

and for the lies to become half-truths
because the nectar of my heart was ripe for

bearing falsities, since I was willing to
wait that extra hour until dawn to see

the naked imprint in the grass of where
you left me lying.
Last edited by Cameron on Wed May 02, 2007 12:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
The individual leads in actual fact a double life, one in which he is an end to himself and another in which he is a link in a chain which he serves against his will or at least independently of his will.
--SIGMUND FREUD




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 23
great poem. I wouldn't change anything.
"Poetry is not an opinion expressed; it is a song that rises from a bleeding wound or a smiling mouth." -Kahlil Gibran




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 227
It's a really good poem, it flows well and I like the descriptions that you use.

Remember when you whispered forever,
and I heard your voice as a drowning man
hears the people on the shore



I found those last two lines very confusing because of the line break, I'm not sure if that's just me. There's nothing wrong with the line, I think it's just the line break which distorts things.

One thing, I don't quite know why you have the two lines and then a line break, it doesn't really work when the lines are all flowing onto each other.

Really nice poem, I especially like the last line - It's a very powerful ending.
Sing we for joy and idleness,
Naught else is worth the having. -- Ezra Pound

PM if you're in need of a review.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 29
HOLY SHIT THIS IS ONE DAMN GOOD POEM!

A+!
(discussing the bible)

[Prokaryote] 8:46 pm: The books had some of the best characters ever to grace fiction
[Prokaryote] 10:12 pm: Haha, prove God is real, it's impossible




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 84
I really like it, and I agree with DoctorClicky, it is a damn good poem.

L.P.
'My words fly up, my thoughts remain below.
Words without thoughts never to heaven go.'

William Shakespeare
Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)



The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It's about what you're made of, not the circumstances.
— Unknown