Family Unity?

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 28
A small child falls and Mother’s there,
To tend a hurt knee with loving care.
She’d dry the tears and hug them tight,
Soon they’d forget their plight.

A small child wakes, crying with fright
And Father’s there, with the light.
He’d comfort and soothe,
Make the bed sheets smooth.

A small child hides, huddles in covers,
Listening as Dads fight with Mothers.
Covered ears, waiting for them to cease
Screaming “Stop fighting, please!”



A small child waits, for Dad to come in,
But Dad’s long gone and Mum’s to thin.
The fights have stopped, the house is quiet
The weeping is loud, yet ever so silent.

A small child want’s a happy ever after,
A house with a Mother and a Father.
Did they care, or was it an act?
Is this a myth, or is it fact?
Come, take My hand and walk with Me, walk with Me in the Shadows.

Tis better to have the world think you a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 566
Aww thats sad :( And i can relate to this, maybe thats why i like it so much. The rhyming works in places such as:

A small child wakes, crying with fright
And Father’s there, with the light.
He’d comfort and soothe,
Make the bed sheets smooth

Its good, but i think maybe you oculd expand it, have a lot more emotion ( i go on about emotion to everyone, i guess i like to really read a poem that involves the reader and really helps them understand what the person is going through)

Well done!

Meevs
x
Bag.

Got YWS?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 24
I agree, i too can relate to this poem some and I do like the rhythm.

ANNABELLE
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 57
You can really get people to relate to this! Well done. It was sad, and painted a picture of what many children feel, but can't express. Bravo.

The ending was very effective. Ending it with a question is a great idea. It leaves you thinking. Very good.

All the best,

Goldie
"I hate the word 'Truce'. It means 'Fun's over'." ~My little sister



True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are, it requires you to be who you are.
— Brené Brown