Sweeter With Time ~ Chapter 1

FIrst of all, I know next to nothing about gymnastics. when you talk about kips and casts, I'm lost. of course, the real important thing is the giants that you fear so much in the story. I can't rationalize your nervousness if I don't know the dangers of the giant. If you breifly describe it, making it sound horrible and scary, your less educated readers like me will be nervous along with you.

But that's all I can say. You did a pretty good job on this overall. Of course, there are some grammar issues, but my grammar isn't any better, so I can't talk. :s

Good job, though!

Well, although I usually don't like this type of thing, this was pretty good. By the way, is this continued or is this the only one?

This is the first one...I'll post chapter 1 soon...it doesn't really have anything to do with this chapter.

Continuing from Part 1 ^_^


The freshly fallen snow crunched under my feet as I jumped out of my mothers car. The winter morning air was cold and fog covered. I loved the first snow of the winter, which was a sure sign that competiton season was about to begin.

Knowing that I would be late in I didn't hurry, I forced myself to go inside the gym. A warm air covered my face as I pulled open open the glass door. I made my way through all of the parents of my teammates and into the gym.

All of my level six teammates were already there talking and giggling by the lockers. They were sitting in their warm up on and ready to go. I went walked over to where they were and set my grip bag and shoes in my locker. "Ready, Amanda," Sierra asked my who was sitting on the bench next to my locker.

"I'm ready for the season to be over," I replied setting myself down next to her. " I'm ready to compete Level seven."

"All in good time Amanda," my other teammate, April said getting up from where she was sitting. I gave her a little smile, and watched her as she made her way to the bathroom and shut the door behind her. Lately I had been getting the feeling that people had been getting annoyed with me complaining about not moving up. I knew that April understood what I was going through. She had always been the one who I could connect with. She had also been wanting to move up, but unlike me hadn't been told by Becky that she could if she wanted to. April and me had always been really close, but I felt that we had never had a relationship bigger then teammates.

"Okay, girls. Lets warm up!" Becky yelled across the gym at us as she came out of the lobby. "Five laps around the floor each way!" We all got up and April came out of the bathroom, and followed us onto the floor.
We jogged around the and stretched. Becky separated the Level Fives and Sixes, sending the littler ones to beam, and us to floor. I noticed that the parents were now filing up stair onto the balcony. "Oh, no! Karen's judging floor!" April said as we waited in line to warm up out tumbling passes. I looked over and saw her in her blue blazer getting her judging materials organized on a colorful P-bar box that was to be her table. "I wouldn't mind her judging anything else, but floor is my worst event!" April said as another one of my teammates in front of me started her tumbling pass.Karen was one of the hardest judges in the state of Montana. If you even thought about making a mistake she would nail you for it.

"I didn't recognize any of the other judges as I looked around. I supposed that they had been last minute resort enable to find judges. "It's your turn, Amanda,"April said tapping me on the shoulder. I snapped back from my daze and noticed everyone waiting for me. I stood in the corner and prepared for my tumbling pass, then ran to start my fist tumbling pass.

*****
After the meet was over I sat on the floor with the rest of my teammates. I laid on the floor with my hands underneath my head thinking and listening to my teammates laughing. I had done okay in the meet, even thought I knew I could have been better. I wasn't in the best of moods today though. I sat up and looked at all of my teammates. "The awards are going to take forever." Every body agreed with me, and all decided to have a handstand contest.

Buzz had said that I had one of the best handstands, or at least better then anyone in the gym, and won most of the contests. After we were board with that then we moved on to headstands, which I wasn't as good at. Finally Becky came out the the lobby with metals in had. I waited patiently as she went thought the Level Five awards. It was now turn for the Level Sixes. Maegen, my twin sister, received 6th place, I received 3rd, followed by Sierra who got 2ND, and April who took first.

After the award Becky made all of us help clean up the things from the meet. After we were all done with that all of the Level Fives filed out and left with their parents. A few of the Level Sixes went with them, but me, Maegen, Sierra, April, and another one our teammates Sierra Corkin, all stayed and tumbled a little more, while Becky talked quietly to our parent at the door of the gym. "What do you think their talking about?" I asked. I thought I knew though. Becky had been having trouble, having a new baby and all. I had heard that her husband had gotten fired from his job, and the was Becky was in a squeeze for money. She was now working two jobs with now sympathy from her husband.

"May be we could do a fundraiser to help her," I had suggested. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but after a while realized that there was nothing we could do, but watched and hoped that this time would pass with little trouble involved.

"I know," April said all of the sudden." I heard that she was quitting." This new hit me really hard. I could feel the tears coming to my eyes but didn't want to cry in front of my teammates, so I held them back. I looked around at all the rest of the girls who had all gone silent. Becky leaving the gym was something that we all didn't want to happen. I had always thought that the gym would fall apart without Becky there. Ever since Buzz and Debby had gotten a divorce hadn't hadn't pr oven to be the best coach. From leaving his optional girls at a gymnastics meet, so that he could go and pick up his girlfriend, to just getting up and leaving them during practice. I had never thought that Buzz would be a good person to be our coach, and never be there for us, and it wasn't until years later that it turned out that I was right.

This part was pretty good too, although, I think that you should get rid of some of the "had"s they sort of take away from the overall flow of your story. Other than that, write on; it looks like this is going to get good.

Thanks order! I'll make some changes that you suggested!

A few typos, missing words and letters, but I'm not that good at them either, so I can't talk.

I thought this was really good! There were some awkward phrases here and there, but if you read through it yourself once, you'll catch them.

kkep writing, and tell me when the next part comes up!