Undiscovered

Your notebook's half empty,
the caterpillar edges
curling through its mysterious leaves.
What dreams are kept
cocooned inside,
I prefer to just imagine.

I liked it. I love the relation of caterpillars and cocoons to a notebook, perhaps butterflies should be added as well, for beauty?

I think in the first line it should have a colon instead of a comma, and the second line doesn't entirely make sense to me. Though in the line I love the kind of word play you used with "leaves". Leaves a caterpillar might crawl on, and leaves of a note book.

I enjoyed it a lot. For some reason though, I want more. I want to see it expand. I think if you combined the note book idea, with the growth of a caterpillar (since that is already the vibe I'm getting) it would only get better. But, could you explain line two to me?

If you add/change anything, I'd love to read it again!

Oh, yes, I agree completely with putting a colon there. That would be better. Although, perhaps a semicolon would work, too...? Hmm. You've made me think.

The second line is just a description of the edges of notebook paper. You know when you have a spiral notebook and you rip out a bunch of sheets, how the sheets get torn on the edges, and the ragged little curly-q things are left in the metal? It's those things I was trying to describe. My English class is very boring, partly because half the people in it have been in it for two years or more. One kid's taking it for the fourth time (though by now my teacher's figured out he's failing on purpose). With 11th grade English being about the easiest course in the world to pass, my opinion of these people is not exactly high. (I don't deny that I have terrible prejudices and I stereotype people horribly, boxing them in and thrusting them into categories that shouldn't exist, but I think we all do that to some extent. I'd go crazy if I didn't, and I think since we can't completely destroy assumptions, it's best to just be aware of them.) Anyway, as I was fuming one day at having to sit through another hour of plot summary - "Dude, that like, one guy, wha'sisname, with like, the knife? Is he gonna like, y'know, kill her now?" - I was staring at this one girl's notebook and noticed that it was half empty. I looked at my notebook and realized that I hadn't even filled up one quarter of it, and that moment sort of rearranged my thoughts about her, and about all these people. I thought about it for a while, and I was very tempted to ask her what she wrote, but then I thought about it and decided two things: 1) I wanted to just believe that she wrote stories, poems, maybe the occasional sonnet. I didn't want to hear that her boyfriend ripped them out to start a fire. 2) If it was true that she was a serious writer and thinker and I'd been misjudging her all this time (not that any judging isn't misjudging), I didn't think I could handle that. Again, assumptions prevent insanity in the weak-minded. So I decided not to ask her about it, and instead filled up a page of my notebook with various versions of this poem.

Wow. You must think I'm insane. Sorry for that whole long story that you really didn't need to know. Don't feel you have to read that or anything - just too much explanation.

Thanks so much for the critique! I really appreciate it.

Actually, I think the colon defines it so much better than a semicolon could. The whole poem is about the note book, the colon kind of says "This is the note book" For some reason, it screams colon.

And, I liked your story, It makes me want to write a poem (or at the least, rewrite yours xD). You and me seem a like, I have horrible problems with my English class as well, and on judging everyone in there.

Caterpillar edges now makes sense, and seems even more beautiful. But, and you sound like a well learned poet so I'm sure you know this, nothing in a poem should have to be explained, perhaps you could write it in a way that made more sense? of course, I was the only one who didn't get it...

Anyway... Seriously, morph this poem into something. The way you spoke of the girl, I could see this poem becoming so much more than the six meager (though wonderful) lines that it already is.

We should really become friends. You seem to have the same out look as me.