HELLBOUND - its not as cool as it sounds..

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“On a snowy peak a man was getting ready to kill ‘imself , he was holding a bamboo spear tipped with a shard of glass. This fella was called Adon , he had been preparing for this moment for roughly ‘alf ‘is life.

He was wearing red robes , his ‘air was bound and he ‘imself was mortified, around the shaft of bamboo his hands were swetin’ , and in the back of his brain all manner of regrets blossomed .
The blizzard had gone wild around him, the wind was roarin’ , the patch of bare rock he had chosen was fast harvesting snow . The cold would kill ‘im if he didn’t
Kill ‘im self .

Adon put the tip of the spear on ‘is Adams apple ,he clamped ‘is jaw and shut ‘is eye’s , he applied what he thought would be the necessary pressure .


He was still alive by the end of it ,He had managed to draw blood but that was all . He shook ‘is ‘ed and shouted out in frustration , this was meant to be the easy part of his plan , things would get tough after this, how could he slay a-thousand snarlin’ demons if he couldn’t slay ‘imself .

He put the spear back on ‘is neck, he kept his eyes open and his features plain. “I’m comin” he whispered .

D’yaknow what , he’d of done it , he was mad and brave and he loved ‘er more than life itself . And d’yaknow how I know that man didn’t killim self” – Adonku took a huge gulp of beer and continued. “I am dat man” .

Everyone who had been following the story gasped , they looked at Adonku in a new light .but For all his wisdom Adonku was surprised by what came next , An old bearded smoker lunged at him with a walking stick “liar!” he rasped “ you’re a-lying , you would of died from that blizzard!” Many of the folk began muttering , a young boy in rags threw a fork Adonku’s way “ we ain’t stupid!” he squealed .

“ D’youknow why I didn’t stab meself “ Adonku spat“ I Saw somthin’ shift through a curtain of fallin’ snow , it had been watchin’ me , when I saw what it was , and how them eyes were looking’ at me , like I was food - I got up and I ran”

The inn had gone silent again , all eyes and ears were on Adonku , even the old man was listening.
The inn keeper was wiping down the counter, from time to time he would look Adonku’s way and wonder if there was any truth in his words , The blazing hearth cast a shifting orange on his face , his origins weren’t clear , perhaps one of the kinyano folk , perhaps not . He had keen eyes and a thin sharp jaw line , An air of ragged wisdom accompanied each word he spoke , maybe he was telling the truth after all.

Adonku paused dramatically , every one held there breath “ and then” he whispered “ It leapt ”


Sorry about the cut off , ive currently lost all motivation and when that happens my writing becomes bland , id appreciate one or two reviews though-and just to clear things , the guy telling the story has an accent -so the mistakes were intentional ^^
Last edited by rodent on Sun Mar 11, 2007 11:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
whats brown , has a head and a tail but no limbs (or organs ) - answer in numbers a=1 b=2 ect-

10 . 5.14.14.25 if you give a poo




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somthing happened and my story was doublled , sorry , im not really sure why it happened and i cant accsess it to delete it - hmm
whats brown , has a head and a tail but no limbs (or organs ) - answer in numbers a=1 b=2 ect-

10 . 5.14.14.25 if you give a poo




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Aside from numerous grammatical and capitalization errors, I see an interesting story behind this if there's more. It's kind of hard to read behind all the typos- run that baby through a spell check. Are you drawing from any particular culture for names, etc.? How long has this story been cooking in your mind? I'd like to see more if you ever get your motivation back. ;)

~Sumi
ohmeohmy




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Watch capitalization and also were you put your qoutation marks, but otherwise it's good I like that cliffhanger at the end lets you speculate what will happen next. :D



People ask if I ever experience writer's block and I just have to laugh... that's my default position.
— Aaron Sorkin