The Fall of Potential

You've fallen asleep at the wheel again
thrust back into the dark ages
of a past life
no one to pity you now boy
another screaming ideal
smothered under the weight of such
incessant apathy
the world's running out of ideas
and there's nothing left to do now but
look back at the rubble
and smile for old time's sake

You've fallen asleep at the wheel again
thrust back into the dark ages
of a past life
no one to pity you now boy

This part of the poem is good. The rest of it kind of floats away, It is well written but I can't find meaning in it as well as I could with these first four lines, I'm wondering what the point/meaning is, and what I am supposed to take away from the poem, because at the start is seems like a poem about someone about to die, and their bad life and then it just...goes.

The last four lines seem to be the lines I dislike the most. I'm not sure how you could fix it.

It also didn't help that there was no punctuation, or capitalization except for the first word. General (though not always, depending on style) the first word of each line is capitalized. Or, some only capitalize if it is a new sentence, which would also work. Except you have no punctuation, so you have no sentences. Read this: Poetry & Punctuation

The only question I have, more for yourself than for you to really answer, is what were you trying to make me feel? What point did you want to get across? When the reader is done reading, what did you want them to be thinking of? That is, essentially, the goal of poetry: to evoke feelings. (Or to express feelings, but usually those poems end up being very "emo" to find an easier word. Badly written, and selfish, in that the reader cannot read the poem and take anything away from it.)

Hope this helped. It wasn't bad, You used nice words. It just...isn't much.

I disagree with Claudette, I think the poem flows well throughout and the last lines continue on well from the first ones. It is very vague, in a way, but I like that.

I agree with Claudette in that is isn't much. What should I, the reader, take away from this poem? Who is the speaker addressing? What happens? Does the subject die? What does potential have to do with this?

For some reason it made me think of the Barenaked Ladies' "Tonight is the Night I Fell Asleep at the Wheel". That doesn't make any sense, because the only thing that this poem and that song have in common is the part about falling asleep at the wheel. It's a good song, however bizarre, and what makes it good is that it's specific, including plenty of visual images ("From the ceiling, my coffee cup drips/While out my window, the horizon does flips..."), and also includes feelings ("You're the last thing on my mind"). Your poem is difficult to take in because some of it is so abstract:

no one to pity you now boy
another screaming ideal
smothered under the weight of such
incessant apathy

It's very difficult to visualize a screaming ideal smothered under the weight of incessant apathy, no matter how cool it sounds.

Colleen

A screaming ideal to me would be that purpose men tend to have and fight for, and to have that smothered under incessant apathy is to mean just what it says. To no longer care, or should I say to have an overbearing piece of yourself that no longer cares. I'm not too happy with this poem, but it is what it is. Tis a bleak road i've stumbled onto these days.

I liked it, I got an image of a boy/man who has no direction in his life, whose goals have all gone away.
You do need to put in some capitalization. And the plural of "idea" is "ideas," not "idea's."
Put in a bit more punctuation and it'll be fine.

I love the last 3 lines

x

Chocolatechipmuffin: that image you got was quite correct. Also I'd like to thank you for pointing out that small grammatical error. I'd hate for my peers to think of me as a filthy illiterate.

I am a grammar Nazi...I point out grammar mistakes no matter what (okay, I make exceptions for stilistic effects ). It bothers my friends sometimes, but they know they'll get a better grade if they let me mark up their papers with my pretty red pen.
I liked how "incessant apathy" was kind of isolated, shorter than everything else, it calls attention to it, without coming right out and saying "THIS IS WHAT'S GOING ON!!!" It gives it a more subtle feel, and looking back, you smack your head, and say "Duh. That image was there the whole time. Stupid, stupid, stupid."