I hate feeling lonely surrounded by people. I hate feeling like I don't exist when I'm around my closest friends. I hate feeling like I don't matter when I'm with the people I love the most. I hate waking up and wishing I could go back to sleep and stay that way forever.
maybe I really am nothing. maybe I am the one to blame. maybe I should reach out more. maybe I should try harder. maybe i'm not as good as I try to be. maybe I don't try hard enough. maybe I don't reach out often enough. maybe they're suffering and I have no idea. but i'm asking and i'm caring and I'm trying and they're not. isn't that enough?
and I pluck holes out of my insect wings, pry them open, fragile things. they break, unfurl, so unfair to a girl so broken, so tired, so tamed. my soul exhausts my broken name, unneeded, recede into hallowed remains. it's pretty, it's funny, it's wild, it's weird that the kindness inside us can so quickly disappear.
