This piece was created after reading Johnathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" in class. The teacher told us to write a satirical essay of our own. I was going to make it a branch of one of my poems but I never do the same topic twice. This was a class assignment that I feel that the world needs to see. Enjoy.
Me or Him
This one goes out to all of my females out there. Now, I know y’all know me. Chances are, though, that I just don’t know you… yet. I’m that pretty-boy, jerk that all the ladies want. I spend more hours in the mirror than you so that I look good for you, baby girl. Your friends benefit from it, too, when I put the game on them behind your back. But it’s ok as long as you don’t go telling each other about what a wonderful boyfriend you got. Even though you know I’m cheating on you, I got enough game to make you think that you my first, my last, and my only. Unfortunately, I really don’t feel that way. I’m just using you until I’m done with you. I loved you when you bought me them Jordan’s. I wasn’t so fond of you, though, when you were crying all over my BAPE hoodie and telling me to stop playing games with you. Cry all you want but I’m not changing for some random broad. Besides the fact that you’d come back anyway, there’s at least eighteen girls waiting in line to take your place. What you really need to do is stop playing games with yourself because you know you want me. Who doesn’t? It’s just that simple.
Why do want someone like me in your life? It’s because I’m your dream man; the one you always wanted. You won’t go after the guy who cares about you. He’s too soft. You’ll never look twice at the guy with morals, standards, or manners. Chivalry is outdated and overrated. What do you need with a man that’s smart? He’ll do nothing but make you think and say words that you can’t even spell. On top of that, he’ll eventually get a job and spend no time with you making money and whatnot. My mama takes care of me so I can spend all of my time, and your money, with you. Who cares about responsibility or the future? Life is too short to think about that kind of stuff. Let’s have fun now! If and when you get pregnant from that fun, don’t even think about telling me that I’m the father. You better go tell that dude that was going to pay child support to go ahead and do that. You should have been the one to think about the consequences because that’s not my job. I can’t begin to count how many kids I have out there.
So now you’re faced with the most difficult choice of your life: hook up with me, the cool guy that’s care-free and loves to have fun, or get with that square, lame, up-tight loser who doesn’t even wear designer clothes. Sure he’s smart and all but I look at least eight times better than him. I won’t respect you more than I will my dog but I can make you feel good. What you need to do is make a decision. Do you want me or him; have fun or have a future? I don’t have all day.
