give me a shot

i dont know whether to put it here or whether you could classify it as a poem.
bcos i was writing a entry in my diary, and at the same time listening to my chemical romance song the sharpest lives.
so i got influenced by it so this is how it turned out.
its what happends when you mix rock music and a bad life.........


Give me a shot
to numb the anger.
Give me a chance
and don't abandon me like the sane.
I'm living a deadly life
on the edge of destruction.

To my limits i've been stretched
and now i struggle to function.
Half asleep; half awake
or just another living dead.

I dont know
i dont even care!

Just give me a shot
So i can't remember
So i can't surrender
To the demon cannibals
that feed of blood;
and other peoples struggles.

Blow me one of your poisonous kisses
and bury me amongst the famous living dead.

Give me a shot
that'll shut me down.
Like the robot i am.
Turn me off.
dismantle me to a unfixable level.

Give me a shot.
turn me to dust.

Before i burn your empire....
dispose of me
i can not control me!



its weird i know, but would you classify this as a poem or a song.
bcos reading it back to myself it sounds also like it could be a song.

Hey this was really great. But if you could maybe pump it up some it would be better. i like the way you describe your feeling. but it was good and i look forward to reading more of your writings.

broken-image,


"Give me a chance
and don't abandon me like the sane.
I'm living a deadly life
on the edge of destruction.

To my limits i've been stretched
and now i struggle to function. "

Click!

That's the sound of my interest in finishing this thing turning to "off." You have simply got to be kidding. This sort of tortured syntax flies in the face of everything that decent poetry strives to be.

I have no idea of who gave you the impression that writing in this manner is in any way "poetic," but you should not count that person as having your best interests at heart.

Throw this out. Don't spend any more effort on it. Instead, get a decent book of modern poetry, maybe something by Mark Strand, and start reading it carefully to see if you can develop an ear for what works.


Take care,
Brad

i have to agree with incan. As nicely as possible... this was definately NOT the best poem here. Sorry. But I was reading it and i rolled my eyes.

I must admit, I have tried my hand at the whole "my life is so depressing, im so upset" poem, and im glad I havent tried since. This poem here made me think that you were looking for sympathy and let me tell you, you will not get it from me.

If poetry is what you do, then actually TRY and write something decent and worth people's time. This was not that sort of poem. If this was a once off thing, and you dont usually write poetry, then let it go!!! poeple dont want to read poems like this because its a plea for sympathy and its a pretty pathetic way to get it.