i do the vocals and words. we did all this in an hour besides the lyrics which existed long before. more about that below.
Spoiler
something i haven't spoken a lot about on here because i've been waiting to divulge in a more formal piece is my schizophrenia (not full blown paranoid schizophrenia but somewhere specific on the spectrum) diagnosis i received my first year of undergrad. it came during one of the worst points of my life. and i wrote a lot during that time. like, a lot. nearly all of it will never be public as it's very troubling. troubling to the point that multiple profs read my work and sent the university to wellness checks on me. i've grown a lot in the six years since and will find myself questioning whether or not i'm 'still a schizo' because i feel as normal as ever lmao.
however, on a road trip back home to celebrate my partner going to grad school (she's so cool), i read the collected schizophrenias by esme weijun wang gifted by a close friend with a schizoaffective brother. crazy how a lot of it still rings very true! especially when it comes to poverty of ideas, word salad, and digesting fictional media in which you believe is real. returning to the place where a lot of my thought patterns were formed was very engaging. and exciting. it feels youthful to have this 'illness' that to me just feels like growing up. because i know nothing else.
anyways, we spent two days in my small hometown before going up to reno. there my friends asked to jam but got mad when i wouldn't do any sort of vocals and was just playing with their roommate's kendama. i havent written anything worthwhile in what feels like years and gave up doing vox after covid killed my college powerviolence band.but to not feel like we were wasting time we decided to do an iphone demo as fast as we could.
i just went through years of notes apps and picked random ones. two of them, notes titled 'i'm going to hang myself at point defiance' and 'love like youve never been hurt' were written during that very horrible no good time. to quote one of my professors, 'very anguished'. one i didnt even put the lyrics on the bc page as it made me feel really weird looking back on it. like, it was just unbridled intensity.
but now they are seeing the day. and it's kinda cool. i just wish i could write like that still.
the most pleasing sounding one is first. twinkly. reminds me of the band casket. the second and third one lean into 'realer emo' whatever that means.
thank you.
"Words say little to the mind compared to space thundering with images and crammed with sounds."
