Asleep at once

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crazybeckey
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Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:39 pm
crazybeckey says... · Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:39 pm
Nails piercing my brain
Glass shattering around me
Metal crunching, smashing together
Crying all around me
Screeching, Screaming
Howling, Wailing, Weeping
It seems like a hundred years have passed
Just when you are about to blow a gasket
The baby falls asleep
We shut off the phone
Take off our shoes
We talk in sign language
cRaZyBeckey




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Emerson
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Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:46 pm
Emerson says... · Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:46 pm
First off, go read this, Poetry & Punctuation.

I assume this is poetry, right? Though its in the "Other" section?

It doesn't really make much sense. Until the end, then it gets weird with "We talk in sign language."

Yeah, if you are a beginner poet, my suggestion is for you to read poetry. Read lot of poetry. Lots, and lots, and lots.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo




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gyrfalcon
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Points 5890
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Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:50 pm
gyrfalcon says... · Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:50 pm
What Claudette said, read LOTS of poetry. This just seemed kind of pointless, and way too violent. I mean, violence is okay when used in moderation and with a point. I have no idea what you're trying to say here, it just sounds like you're trying to be shocking and it's coming off rather badly.
"In a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function...We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful." ~C.S. Lewis




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BFG
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Thu Feb 01, 2007 3:59 am
BFG says... · Thu Feb 01, 2007 3:59 am
Yeah, read lots of poetry... but don't copy it. I'm pretty sure I've read this before. It's fine to imitate poetic styles, but it's just plain sick when someone wants to pass off someone else's work for their own. Why?

Travis Wilkins-Smith wrote this when he was 12 years old; it was originally entitled "Asleep At Last" and was published in Stone Soup, March/April 2003.
“It is one of life's bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting.” - Lemony Snicket




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Trident
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Thu Feb 01, 2007 4:36 am
Trident says... · Thu Feb 01, 2007 4:36 am
This member has already been banned for plagiarism.
Perception is everything.

5 posts


I was flummoxed by fractious Franny's decision to abrogate analgesics for the moribund victims of the recent conflagration. Of course, to display histrionics was discretionary, but I did so anyways, implicating a friend in my drama to make the effect cumulative. I think a misanthrope would have a prosaic appellation, perhaps one related to autonomy and the rejection of anthropocentrism. I think they wouldn't think much of the prominence of watching the coagulation of tea to prognosticate future malevolent events, not even if those events were related to jurisprudence.
— Spearmint