Fall

sit by the lake
Listening to the swiftly flowing music.
The trees slowly tilt to the west.
A blue veil is swept over the horizon.
It seems as though
The wolf is chasing the moon,
But one summer, one winter and one fall
Are all yet to come.


I stand by the dock
Listening to the crickets’ songs.
Their beady eyes glimmer in the moonlight.
The ducks fly to the south,
The cold breeze soothes my hands.
I close my eyes,
Invisible animals are spinning around me,
But one summer, one winter and one fall
Are all yet to come.


My lips go numb
And my hair blows in the breeze.
I step inside,
I put a cup of hot apple cider to my lips
My boots are overflowing with water
Like an ocean,
An ocean swirling around an island.
I think about the wonders I saw.
I tiptoe outside
And slowly lie down on the grass
And stare at the stars, But what remains a mystery is
One summer, one winter and one fall
Are all yet to come.

I will freely admit that this is better than I expected it to be.

That does not mean it was good. First of all, the first line should be capitalized. Secondly, there didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to your line breaks--and line breaks, not to indulge in a bad pun, make or break your poetry. Also, the images are somewhat cliche and poorly presented.

Better luck next time.

This was pretty good. I agree with Fand it needs some editing but other wise you hve a pretty good poem. I would make the last paragrah you have into two or three seprate stanzas instead of one big one, that just makes the poem look messy. It would also be wise to work harder on your analogies and at first I didn't get the last line you had.


Invisible animals are spinning around me,
But one summer, one winter and one fall
Are all yet to come.


This line was really confusing and I didn't really understand the animal metaphor so perhaps that should be changed to something a little more subtle. Otherwise, nice job, this only needs a little work.


Keep it up!
-Rieda

This poem was plaguerized off stonesoup.com.

Plaguerism earns you a banning.