Words, Words

Words, Words

Words, words
itching to get on a page.
All calling me,
taunting me,
tempting me...

The words ebb on my desk,
Like the tide of the lake at evening
The black words
are translucent, surging, swelling,
undulating waves
excited with energy.
Gathering, falling, jumping, dripping,
and waiting,
until they are finally
poured
onto
the
page.


A random thing I came up with in the midde of english class.

Lol, sounds like something I would write in English class (that is, when I'm not writing hate notes to Charles Dickens).
I like the idea of words being like water, especially the part about being poured onto the page. I also liked the "...calling me,/taunting me,/tempting me..." except for the ellipse on the end. A period will do.
This poem was mostly description, though, a list of phrases and little words. I'd like to see more vibrant imagery, and I'd like to connect to what you're attempting to describe. Example:

The black words
are translucent, surging, swelling,
undulating waves
excited with energy.
Gathering, falling, jumping, dripping,
and waiting,

A reader just skips over all these "-ing" words. A list of verbs won't help me feel what you felt while writing this in English class. I'd like to see you describe with pictures what the waves of words are doing.

Is the title "Words, Words" for lack of a better one? I like the repetition as the first line of the poem, which is rare for me, but if you sit and scratch your head for ten minutes, I'm sure you could find another title just as good!

Good start there; keep working on it.
Colleen

yoha_ahoy wrote:Words, words
itching to get on a page.
All calling me,
taunting me,
tempting me...

In this paragraph the word itching didn't get along with words to get on a page,you might have used some other words.

The words ebb on my desk,
Like the tide of the lake at evening
The black words
are translucent, surging, swelling,
undulating waves
excited with energy.
Gathering, falling, jumping, dripping,
and waiting,
until they are finally
poured
onto
the
page.

In this para i liked the ending .Good job!

Keep writing.

You have some great verbs here... "undulating", "taunting", "tempting", "itching", "dripping"... they're great, but it's too many verbs. The metaphor of words to waves is good, but you need to extend it, keep going with the description, the nouns and adjectives and maybe even some adverbs. I also thought the ending with the one-word-a-line sequence wasn't quite powerful enough to be a one-word-a-line thing. I'd keep working on the last bit.