Note: Hello everyone! I am new to this site and have no clue on if this will go through. This was an assignment in school and it was the only paper I had on me. We were assigned to write a satire on christmas. I would also like to thank anyone in advance who reads/comments my work. Enjoy!
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?
As the Christmas season rounds the corner, the holiday spirit begins to spread like the stomach flu. The lights, the gifts, the happiness, the snow, family, food and of course, Santa! Everyone is so nice to each other just to redeem all of their bad actions committed over the year as an attempt to deny their own insecurity. Perhaps it is an attempt at one of those endeavoring new years resolution. Whatever their motive may be, it will go the way of snow and unwanted gifts.
One of the things that seem to amuse me is the abundance of Christmas specials on television. I don’t understand how producers constantly come up cliché plots and dénouements. I am pretty sure you know what I mean. There is always some innocent little child who discovers Santa is real and is taught a vulnerable lesson about morals. If that was in fact true, I would be the most compassionate person ever. I think these witty producers need some new ideas. They should air a special wrestling match between Jesus and Santa. The undisputed winner would not only gain respect from his foe, but also the controversial debate on who is more liked. The loser would be banned to a second rate celebration. Now there is an idea! The ratings would topple CSI for good!
However, let’s not forget the true meaning of Christmas. Spending time with family seems to one of the things we take for granted. It is a time to reconcile differences that may have occurred in the past. It is a time to see relatives that live across the world. It is a time to reflect on how your family has been doing. It is one of those few charitable moments to think back on when someone dies. Well, this is if that family member brings your Playstation 3 or Nintendo Wii.
To me, gifts seem to be matched by what you think of someone. I know that materialism contradicts with people that say it is the thought that counts. However, if that statement was necessarily true, than why can’t an entire family walk around with expensive pearl necklaces similar to that of your significant other instead of a getting a toaster for second year in a row? I guess the only thing do to is beseech Santa Clause with our desires of materials.
I think St. Nick should be fired from his job or least be retired. He has been around forever and always seems to miss my name. I have forgiven him in hope that he will remember my name the following year, but I have learned to cope with the fact that I may not be on the good list. However, what does bother me are his methods. Why must he make little people make his toys? I don’t think the news of minimum wage being raised reached the North Pole. I think Santa should shut down his cute little maquiladoras made out of candy cane gumdrops until his elves receive minimum wage. Frankly, I am surprised that they have not performed a sit down strike yet. Than again, being held in captivity with nowhere else to in the North Pole is a something to consider before making drastic actions.
Oh yeah! Christmas is one of the best times of the year! It is the time of the year to be thankful that you are not one of the homeless people on the streets. It is the time of year to watch Macaulay Culkin outwit two notorious robbers and believe in miracles.
It is the time of the year to give away those few nickels and dimes to the Salvation Army that lay accumulated in your wallet in hopes that Santa will take you off the naughty list.
There are FAR too many of them, shouldn't they be up to Santa Clause 9 or something?