Aleiodes Indiscretus
Miss E: (In doll like voice) Good morning children!!
(A few pupils actually register that the lesson has ‘started’, but then again,
Miss E rarely ever teaches them anything and Miss E is an unregistered life form- a direct result of her only having about 12 brain cells-)
Ronnie: (Screams and points) Arrghhh!!! An Aleiodes indiscretus!!
Miss E: (turning to look at Ronnie) pardon thee?
Ronnie: (Screams again) A WASP!!!
(This particular snippet of information has a small effect on the class)
Class: ARRRGHHHH!!! (Class scramble for the door but Miss E blocks it)
Miss E: Now there is no need for thy to pani- (pauses as wasp makes a waspline for her) ALACK!!!!! (Wasp chases Miss E around class room) THOU IST BEING CHASED BY THOU UNOBLE – (pauses) what was it?
Ronnie: An Aleiodes indiscretus!!
Miss E: I thank thee Ronnie – I mean – (resumes plight) THOU IST BEING CHASED BY THOUST UNOBLE ALEIODES INDISCRETUS!!
Ronnie: (applauding) Very well said Mi-
(Miss E shrieks as wasp stings her, Class crowd round to watch)
Miss E: ALACK-K-K-K-K-K!!! (Squashes wasp flat and hops around) Thou needst a quick remedy for unrighteous wasp stings!
(Ronnie opens her mouth but Zach quickly shouts)
Zach: I know Miss! (Pulls full jar of honey out of bag and unscrews lid)
Miss E: (Hastily) Ist thee sure?
Zach: (Briskly) Yes! (Pours the whole jar over Miss E, Ronnie shrieks in distaste) Hang on! (Pulls whole tray of flowering plants out his bag and squashes them)
Miss E: Alack! Thou ist wasting plant opportunities!!
(Zach sprinkles bits of petals and nectar over Miss E)
(Silence)
Miss E: (still hopping) How longs doest Thoust wonderful remedy take to
take effect?
Zach: (lazily crossing classroom and opening window) About 30 seco-
(Zach is interrupted by a loud buzzing sound as large clumps of bees and wasps swarm towards Miss E. Miss E squeals and cowers behind a chair)
Miss E: Alack! More Aleiodes Indiscretus!
Zach: (Sternly wags finger) No Miss, they’re called Apidae!
(Apidae swarm over to Miss E and start stinging her)
Miss E: (Attempting to bat Apidae away) Alack! I do not care for Apidae! I only care for Learniiiiing!
(Suddenly a figure appears at the door, Miss E gasps and Zach and the class make their escape out the window as Mr K enters.)
Miss E: (abruptly stoops hopping about and gasps) Nivek!
Mr. K: (Heroically) I’ll save you!! (Grabs convenient bucket of water and tips it over Miss E, Miss E screams as the honey and nectar washes off and the Apidae give up their chase of Miss E and fly off through the window. Miss E sighs with relief)
Miss E: I thank thee Nivek!
Mr K: (suddenly realising there are no students in the classroom) but where is Thoust pupils? Surely, Miss E, thou hast not abandoned those in dire need of an education that (pounds convenient desk with every word) they-have-a-right-to-receive! (Miss E looks petrified)
Miss E: err… (Scrambles for a good excuse)Thoust class all wanted to go to the water closet! :
(Class re-enters)
Rachael: Thanks for letting us skive class Miss!
Mr K: (furiously) PARDON???
(End)
