by the metre

Wow, I left this to the last minute!


Previous NaPos in varying cringyness:

Spoiler

2019 call the angels; this means war
2018 a study in scream 3.0 COMPLETE!
2017 Daylight is for people who don't know how to use flashlights
2016 the notorious brain-freezers COMPLETE!
2015 shattered glass

...Apparently I win every other year? Maybe this is a good year then! XP

1. happy rain on Tuesdays
2. sensory overload & regret
3. I Prayed for Snow
4. the icky things
5. needle work
6. adulthood
7. procrastination meets meditation
8. three-day-old salad
9. control freak
10. wishes
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
26.
27.
28.
29.
30.

1/30

Spoiler

And this is what I was listening to while writing it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Hg1Kudd_x4

happy rain on Tuesdays

crying sometimes
but that's Tuesdays
happy tears melt my cheeks
these warm afternoons
with two couches
pulled together
for naps
naps that help me understand
why there's puddles after rain
doesn't it want to be free?
didn't it leap from the sky
to escape?
how I wish I were
as strong as water;
never damaged
only ever tampered

2/30

Spoiler

Note: there may be more sensory overload poems as I STRUGGLE to portray it in a way that works/feels right.

sensory overload & regret


ouch
the pain, breathing too close
a whisker- stabbing me
the lightest pressure.
voices on repeat
softly
agonizing me
I seem crazy
in the skewed reality
from this fish bowl.
don't tap the glass
please
I don't like looking
like a little girl
separated from ritual,
security,
teddy bears...

3/30


I Prayed for Snow

winter has grasp of me lately
prickling my nose with frost bite
cracking my bones as it freezes and thaws
I delighted in the cold once
tiny and frail yet barefoot in the snow
crystals sparkling on my toes;
flakes so delicate drifting and playing around me
singing in the silence of the alps
so peaceful
my hidden treasure
home.
but now the wind rags on me
scraping my skin raw
lips peeling, bleeding
hope fading with every agonising step
boot strings weighed down by ice-balls
dragging me into a sub-zero grave...

and it has me wondering;
what's making me colder
more susceptible to subtle changes in temperature?
I don't want to freeze.
take me back to when I prayed for snow

4/30


the icky things

i had a dream that i was a monster
and it made me numb-ber
my thoughts.
keeping track of each and every one of them
lining them up for role-call
and i discovered a plethora of secrets
between the folds
things i've been hiding from;
whimpering in the corner
I asked:
"hi are you supposed to be here?"
and they said
"where's the box?"
and i was about done
with secrets so i
gave it it's box and said
"you can go hide somewhere else, you,
this is my here consciousness and i don't want
bad memories parading around as
dust bunnies"
and it left and took all my
memories of Oreos, but
that's okay because now I can recite
my favourite peanut butter cookies recipe
by heart

Spoilered because sorta mention of self-harm... but it's not really meant to be self harm- it just comes across that way at first I think.

5/30


needle work

Spoiler

she stabs herself with the darning needle several times a day
but it's an accident- she doesn't even need to tell people
because it's an accident.
she remembers to keep her stitches tightly intertwining
behind each prick that dances out in vibrant colours of a garden,
but the blood drips steadily onto the muslin
and with time the bright red fades to rust
that corrodes her threads
and she's left wondering why
she took up embroidery

6/30


adulthood

giggles echo down the hallway
I want to follow them but I'm frightened
laughter so infectious
bringing memories
of lighter times
with popsicles and sticky fingers
explorations in the garden
building toad houses
and watching bumble bees
tumble past...
it feels like they're just around the corner
but it seems that melancholy
is sticking around for longer than expected

7/30


procrastination meets meditation


My hips are tethered
to the cushion beneath
feel the weight of your body,
that contact to the fabric
but I'm not meditating on the
things I'm suppose to;
the day is filled with to-dos
and I can't move
starting to become aware of your breath,
how it skitters and jitters through your respiratory system
it's so close yet I still can't see you
memories are our worst friends now
forever wanting things how they always are
when you feel comfortable,
you can open your eyes now
okay. we can do this.

8/30


three-day-old salad



the salad is limp
slimy and withering
a tomato-
being a tomato
in a fridge;
cold a tasting of
every leftover
that died
in the ice cube tray

9/30

control freak


something happened that
i didn't anticipate
control is hard
when you
don't know where you are
and you hear ringing
and it feels like
the sky is staring
at every pimple
at the way your body
wobbles with every step
oh to make this look normal,
oh to maintain the facade..
it sounded like
my ear imploded
and I thought about it for sometime
and it reminded me of
the summer I turned eleven.

10/30

wishes

she sleeps on the moon
with a keen sense for tide;
like her dreams, flowing to the next
and when you wish
a whisper reaches her
to tousle her hair and make her
raise her eyebrows
still unconscious
but fully aware
and ready
to send every request
to the moon