Last edited by sunshine girl on Sun Oct 29, 2006 12:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I hope the weather is calm as you sail up your heavenly stream,
Suspended clear in the sky are the words that we sing in our dreams,
Let there be love.
I didn't like this. You have some images, but what are they leading up to? How do they connect? The only clue I have is "Words in my head" as the title. Well, great, but what's so significant about the words in your head? Everyone who knows a spoken language has words in their head. If you really want to you can build on these ideas, talk about what they mean to you. Take a word (say, the wardrobe). Tell me about the wardrobe, why it's in your head, what's in it, etc. You could probably make a whole poem out of one or two of these.
Also, I couldn't help but notice you've posted a ton of poems in a row. It might be a good idea to space them out a bit and critique other poems/stories as well (The official rules say two reviews for every piece posted).
Keep writing!
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci
