is this a good come back?

Her lips
They burn
That old familiar taste;
Too bad
My words
Have all yet gone to waste.

My hands
Her sides
While lying waist to waist .
That look
She has
Has left , me still mesmerized!

Seeing her again is simply torture
Now I remember why I'd die for her.
What a complicated mess of a brain I own
In the morning she'll be gone, and I'll still be alone.

If all
You want
Is someone else to love;
I fear
That I
Will never be enough.

This can't
Make sense
My life is all a lie,
We try
We fail
And then we all die.

My life is going nowhere
Like anyone but me would really care.
What a complicated mind I own
Your always , and I'll always be alone.

There was something that I liked... it was that 2-2 then the other line format... I liked that...

I liked the words in this but they were still a bit too simple, you could expand more...

There hould be some more commas and periods around the place, readers gotta breathe, otherwise I really liked this, this is one of the better's that I've seen fom you, though still some flaws it's still good.

Fix it up, bigger words, more punctuation, keep the 2-2 syllable stanzas though, I liked those

I fixed the punctuation. Is it better?

awsomewritter123--


It would be even better if you hadn't copied it from another website. I am sorry that perhaps previous reviews have driven you to this, but plagiarizing is simply unacceptable. As writers we have an ethical obligation to be honest--how could you possibly hope to get better by having us review someone else's work?


Best,
Brad

o.O

Say what now?

Brad, I have absolutely no reason to doubt you but plagarism is still a very serious accusation. With the utmost of respect, Incan -- are you positive about this?


~Dreamy

DD, he's provided me with evidence. Let's leave this out for now.

This topic will be locked until the matter is resolved.