Through Emotion The Passionate Vision

When a leaf touches another,
And a flower listens to the wind,
Passion breaks between the trees

When the oceans roars against a cliff,
And the waves gently hit the shore,
Emotion breaks and seeks the seas

-Experience the journal of a great observer-

He tweaks the emotional,
Enhances the passionate,
Makes of his painting;
A vision come true

Hi Chandni,


The first two stanzas are okay; however, they aren't not bad. The words don't arouse anything within me. Leaves and ocean as metaphor for love(rs)? You're beating a dead horse.

The one-line statement and last stanza contribute nothing--drop them.

A suggestion: read this, set it aside and (without looking) rewrite what you were trying to express in a different way. See what happens.


All the best,
Brad

Different imagery means different things to different people. We're all unique and individual and what we think about with an image is probably different from others opinions.
I can see what imagery you're trying to use and I reckon it works.
You're not beating a "dead horse"!!!
Keep up the good work, well done you *pat on the back* and here *hug* for your great effort!
Lexy x

Thank you all for the critiques

For Brad the leaves and ocean they do refer to lovers as in human to nature form, I will try to see your point and if I it comes clear to me change one another. About the one line statement well yes I had doubts about that being "one line" but that it concludes nothing, I think differently about that to make it more clear I made some minor changes in the last stanza

Thank you once again for the critique, -don't we all need one- lol

i think the poem's first two stanzas are really well done and maybe you could have written more like those. the third stanza doesn't make much sense to me it's too vague.

I just loved the first three lines:
"When a leaf touches another,
And a flower listens to the wind,
Passion breaks between the trees"

Well done.

The second para was good as well.
The third stanza was a bit not clear to me.
Keep writing.

-Ani