Love is...

Love is powerful.
It’s a happiness far beyond any other,
It’s an emotion stronger than any other,
It’s a caring more powerful than any other.
Love is eternally beautiful and flows like a graceful swan.
Love sounds like a tropical waterfall, exotic and strangely beautiful.
Love is a magic more powerful than any other magic.
Its eternal beauty reaches us through our hearts and fills us with happiness and desire.
Love is a desire, overcoming all other desires,
It is a peace, more peaceful than any other.
Love is hidden in the darkest of places, lighting up our lives, and giving us hope in the dreariest of times.
Love is an obsession, far more engulfing than any other.
Love feels like no other, outdoing pain, sorrow, envy, anger, happiness and joy.
Love is more beautiful than a starry night sky or a peaceful, sunny day on the beach.
Love is happier than a new mother.
Love is an eternal life, flowing gracefully through the dusty years.
It’s merrier than a Christmas night with the family,
It is warmer than sitting by the fire place on a snowy winter’s eve with friends and family.
That is what love is to me.

a_wolf123--


Your handling of line lengths is a disaster. Long lines generally don't make a piece "more poetic"; if anything, they fragment it. Each line should provide value on its own and also provide value to the poem as a whole. What you have here is arbitrary breaks after complete thoughts that show only that you know how to find the "Enter" key on the keyboard.

Congratulations.

The narrative (can this be called that?) overall is a monstrous cliche, one of the staged scenes from a B-Movie epic. Your use of grand generalizations:
"Love is a desire, overcoming all other desires,
It is a peace, more peaceful than any other."
are meaningless noise.

My advice is that you move on from this as quickly as possible. If you'd like to improve your writing, start by getting a copy of a basic book on the craft of reading and writing poetry, and also by reading some good modern poetry.

Welcome to the YWS!


All the best,
Brad

Right erm awolf i'm afraid i agree with Incan. This poem is all cliches. Right i'll help you though now have you just got a girlfriend well if that the case then i suggest you use your feelings not cliches used in every movie with relationships cliche are okay in minority. Okay now you can make this better put your feelings in though here i'lll show you my first love poem i posted it quite good. viewtopic.php?t=7584&highlight=

Now look at this to help you i use my feeling and continueing using love is is a bad idea. It bores the reader after a while it okay a few time but continuesly it will seriously bore the reader. Hope that helped.

Its got great powerful imagery so there is my positive comment. It has emotional feeling and thats great...
[/quote]
Love is hidden in the darkest of places, lighting up our lives, and giving us hope in the dreariest of times

Its a tiny bit long......

ok its really long and doesn't quite fit.

But other than that I liked the images you portrayed.
Deep stuff.

I like this. The only thing i would say would be to make it into maybe 2 or 3 paragraphs so the reader doesn't find it to much. Keep writing, you just need to work on how you lay it out.

Cathy: THey're called Stanzas, not paragraphs. This is probably a poem...

yeah I coudl barely read this. I'm not illiterate or anything but there were too many words in a line *as said several times before* to actually be consdiered a paragraph, therefore I had a very short attention span towards this.

Poetry isn't a research paper either, it's highly opinionated, so... opinionate this or... make a research paper.

1) You have a severe restating problem that, if fixed, I believe it could improve your writing tenfold. For example:

Love is powerful.
It’s a happiness far beyond any other,
It’s an emotion stronger than any other,
It’s a caring more powerful than any other.

Couldn't you say:

Love is powerful:
a happiness, emotion and
caring stronger than any other.

2) Expand your vocabulary.

3) If you want something to appeal to modern, young peoples: go for the oringinal, the imagery, symbolism. People will most likely call this cliche, as it is a style often introduced to us at a young age, and is now not one that we want to see repeated. As this style ("love is like ____") is used so often, it is labeled unoringinal. The pace right now is out of this format.

This presented a multitude of ideas, and I hope Brad doesn't drive you from the forums with a pitchfork and ax next time around.