An Ode to divorce a.k.a. Wendy's Last Poem

An Ode to Divorce, a.k.a Wendy’s Last Poem
-SlickJimmy

I feel so sad
Because I did not learn
I feel so ashamed
Because I did not learn
I am so sorry
I should have learned these words

It would not have been difficult
Our love would have grown
I should have learned these words

I would not weep right now
You would not weep right now
If I had learned these words

I knew your sadness when you listened to these words
I never knew your sadness when you did not listen

Your sadness wept for others you love
and wept for our love
It stands the test of time, your sadness
and makes me weep

I refused to realize your sadness
I refused to learn these words

There is nothing but sadness
for such words not to be understood
for such a love to diminish

These words can teach, can heal, can unite

These words can live for ever
We were forever
We were to conquer all
I do not want to leave you alone.
Please let me complete this poem.....

Whoa man, so much repitition can only do so much man.

I don't really know what to say.... Just, don't repeat stuff much...

Deep man... *YAWNS* Alas, my baby cries...

I was pretty sad. I will work on it

SlickJimmy wrote:I feel so sad
Because I did not learn these words
I feel so ashamed
Because I did not learn these words
I feel so sorry
I should have learned these words

The consistent repitition of "I feel" is redundant in a poem, because since it is you speaking to your audience, it's already been implied that these are the things you feel.

"I feel so sad" seems insufficient to describe the horrors of divorce, not to mention that it's a bit childlike. If, in this poem, you're trying to accomplish a feeling that a grown man has been diminished to speaking only in childlike terms because his divorce is so awful, then you could try to use this type of idea elsewhere. As it stands, however, it feels less poignant than it could be.

The repitition of "these words" is an odd one for me. On the one hand, the grammar freak/nit-picker in me dislikes it immensely, because it's so vague. On the other hand, as a child of divorced parents, I have my own idea about what "these words" means in my own situation. For your readers that don't have this kind of experience, you might consider being more specific. "I didn't know what to say/to make you stop crying" for instance.

Overall, I think that because you have such a powerful topic that this poem deserves revision to make it as powerful as it could be. Good luck.