Ok, so for a while i've been putting ideas together for a film script, and I've written the first couple of scenes over the last few weeks, so I thought I would post it her and see what feedback you guys have to offer.
Firstly, I would like to point out that I am well aware it's not in the proper format. I plan on changing that when I write it over once, at the minute i'm mainly concentrating on actually telling the story.
And Secondly, I would like to point out that there is strong language in parts of it, and some of the themes may not be suitable for some younger readers!
SCENE ONE - THE DREAM - ? - ?
As the film begins, all there is, is darkness, and the faint sound of gothic piano music in the background, so quiet we can barely tell if it's really there or if we are imagining it. The credits appear in the bottom right hand corner of the screen in small white letters as the scene goes on. After a few seconds we can see movement in the darkness, all atound, but it's impossible to tell what. Soon it becomes more clear that within the darkness, is a hell of a lot of snakes, and we can hear them, hissing and sliding as they move around eachother. The camrea pans through them, but we never get a clear view, theres still a lot of darkness. Then we can see, clearly enough, a naked human arm. The snakes are crawling all over it. As we move closer we can soon see that their is a naked woman, sleeping in this bed of snakes. As one crawls right across her face she stirs and begins to wake up, the darkness prevents us from getting a clear view of her, but we are aware that she is therem and of the fact that she is not afraid. She wipes her eyes with her hands, as she moves her arms it disrupts the snakes and a few violent hisses can be heard, but the woman is not afraid. Then all of a sudden, she can hear quite clearly, footsteps coming from somewhere. She gasps, and we get a shot of her eyes as they shoot from side to side in fear. As the footsteps get louder and louder, and closer and closer, she becomes more paniced and begins to sweat. Suddenly there is a loud sound behind her, as a metal door is swung open. Light floods into the room and all the focus is on the woman as she turns to see what has happened. A black figure stands amongst the light, but we cannot make out any of his features. He lifts his arm and we can see a gun, he pulls the trigger and shoots the woman in the head. As the impact of the bullet reaches her, right between the eyes, in reality, the very same woman in the dream shoots upright. She is naked, and sweating, but not in a bed of snakes. REather, in her comfortable double bed in her moderately expensive one bedroom flat.
SCENE TWO - COFFEE AND INFEDILETY - MELLISA'S BEDROOM/KITCHEN - MORNING
Mellisa is awake, sweating and panting as she comes to terms with what just happened. As she realizes she has just been dreaming, she begins to calm. Her door opens and her friend Megan enters.
Megan: Are you all right?
Mellisa looks over and takes a few seconds before speaking.
Mellisa: What are you doing here?
Megan: Did you forget? we said we'd go shopping today. (short pause) David let me in before he went to work.
We leave the bedroom and at first see Megan alone in the kitchen making coffee, Mellisa enters in her dressing gown.
Mellisa: Sorry, I had another nightmare. God, these last few nights have been hectic, I just can't get a decent nights sleep.
Megan: Let me see it
Mellisa: hmm?
Megan: The ring! come on, I've been waiting to see it for a week now!
Mellisa: Oh (she holds up her hand and Megan admires an engagement ring on her finger)
Megan: Oh My God! It's brilliant! Christine wasn't lying when she said it was massive! I tell you Mellisa, as soon as he walks up that isle and says I do, you've tied him down, and you would have to be a fool to ever let him go! ... God I am so jealous of you, and he proposed in Paris?
Mellisa: Yeh, right outside the eiffel tower.
Megan: Oh that is just brilliant!
Mellisa: Yep
Megan: Are you all right? I figured you'd be extactic about this? any normal girl would be!
Mellisa: Yeh, I was. When he proposed I was happier than I ever thought I could be. it's just, we had a row last night, it's kind of put a strain on things.
Megan: Oh No, what happened?
Mellisa: Well, would you say it's wrong for a girl to go through her fiances messages if he leaves his phone at home?
Megan: Only if she has a good reason, or a very good chance of not getting caught.
Mellisa: Well I was home alone all day yesterday, cleaning the apartment and that, and his phone just kept ringing all day. So I went to turn it off and I saw that all the calls were from some girl called RosalindJane. So I was thinking to myself, who the hell is RosalindJane? Why has David never mentioned her? and why the hell is she calling him 15 times in one day? So I went through his messages...
Megan: Oh My God, he's not cheating is he?
Mellisa: They all seemed pretty harmless, It was obvious she was an old girlfriend or something but she wasn't really flirting. But then the last message was a bit worrying. Something like, ever since I ran into you the other day i've been extactic and I can't stop thinking about you, and I know we have a lot of history behind us and a lot of issues still up in the air, but if your willing to work past those, I would love for us to get back together.
Megan: Oh My God. What did he reply?
Mellisa: I dunno, his outbox was empty.
Megan: Hmmm now that's suspicious. I take it you confronted him?
Mellisa: Yeah. That's were it all went a bit pear shaped. I guess you could say I went a bit over board with the anger, if you know what I mean.
Megan: Oh I do. A few months ago Robert hired this HOT girl at his office, and I was convinced he was staying behind and doing her, so one night he came home late with lipstick on his collar, and to say I went over board with the anger would be an understatement. I'd never seen the poor boy more frightened in his life, didn't help that I had a knife in my hand either.
Mellisa: I never heard about that one?
Megan: Oh we didn't really tell anybody, it turned out he wasn't cheating, he just liked, you know, wearing lip stick and that! (short pause) So, what was David's excuse?
Mellisa: He basically told me she wanted to get back with him but he had no intention of getting back together with her, but I was so extreme he stormed out and I haven't seen him since. He must have got home when I was in bed and left before I got up.
Megan: Well I wouldn't worry yourself too much about that, you two are just made for each other. You'll be over this by the end of today!
Mellisa: Well I hope so, I'm going to meet his parents tonight for the first time, and I need this to go well. I think i'll maybe give him a call now.
Megan: Good idea, i'll just use your bathroom.
Mellisa: ok
Mellisa goes over to her living area and lifts her mobile, she dials his number and holds the phone to her ear. It starts to ring.
SCENE THREE - I LOVE YOU BUT I'VE CHOSEN DARKNESS - ROSALINDJANE'S HOUSE - MORNING.
We are in a very pretty sub-urban neighbourhood. David approaches the door of one of the houses and rings the doorbell, he looks in through the window and notices RosalindJane hurrying down the stairs to the door. She opens it, she is surprised to see him but she doesn't show this too much. This scene is ambiguious as to how their relationship actually is. Is he telling the truth when he says he isn't doing her? or is it a lie. I want this to be as ambiguious as possible, so even after seeing dialouge between the two, we still don't know any more than what Mellisa does.
RosalindJane: you came!
David: Yeah. You left this behind the other day, thought I should bring it back to you.
RosalindJane: Oh, thanks, i've been looking everywhere for this, thank god my credit cards weren't in it. Thank you. (short pause) will you come in and have a drink with me?
David: I have to get back to work, i'm on my lunch hour. But, some other time, yeah?
RosalindJane: Sure, just let me know.
David: Uh, Rozie, Mellisa went through my phone yesterday. She read your messages. (short pause) I think maybe we should cool it for a while, if that's ok with you. This hasn't been one of the easiest times in our relationship, so something like this could just derail it for good. And I don't want that.
RosalindJane: Yeah, of course you don't. (short pause, the sound of a mobile phone ringing can be faintly heard during the pause. It may have been ringing for a time all ready) Is that your phone?
David: Oh, damn thing's so quiet (he removes it from his pocket, Mellisa is calling) I better not answer that right now.
RosalindJane: Why not?
David: Last time I saw her, she was in psycho mode. If she's still like that, and has any reason to suspect i'm not in my office right now, she may well just kill me. I'll give her a call when I get back to the office.
RosalindJane: ok (short pause) your not going to stay with her, are you?
David: My lunch hour is over in fifteen minutes, I really need to start heading back. I'll call you in a couple of weeks or so.
RosalindJane: Yeah, if you want. Talk then.
David: Bye
Their parting is awkward. He turns away slowly and as he walks down her drive, she watches him.
SCENE FOUR - NORMALLY DREAMS LIKE THAT MEAN YOUR PSYCOLOGICALLY DISTURBED - CAFE - AFTERNOON
We are in a cafe. Mellisa is sitting alone by herself, she is hoking through her bag in a frustrated manner, and looks down on the floor around her as if she has lost something. Megan appears carrying a tray with two coffee mugs on it. She sets it down on the table.
Megan: Are you all right?
Mellisa: I think I left my phone in the apartment. I'm so annoyed, what if he's trying to call me now?
Megan: Do you want to go back and get it?
Mellisa: No, no i'll be fine. (short pause)
Megan: Just stop worrying about it. Wait until you'll married, this will be just an other average friday night alone!
Mellisa: Well that gives me something to look forward too.
Megan: Trust me, it's all going to work itself out.
Mellisa: I hope so. I just don't know what it is with me, I can't stop thinking about it! Even before I found the messages I was a bit paranoid that he might be cheating. It's silly.
Megan: We all have our doubts every now and again. I used to have this recurring nightmare that Robert was cheating on me.
Mellisa: Oh My God, really? I've been having the wierdest dreams lately!
Megan: Really? Like what?
Mellisa: They used to be all pretty much the same, i'd see him in different places, like his office, a different bedroom, even in public toilets. And there would always be a woman with him. Sometime's they'd just be kissing, but sometimes, they'd be doing ... something else.
Megan: Do you know, I was watching some documentary at my brothers house last week, he's in to all this new age spiritual dream crap, and it was all about dreams and stuff. And apparantly loads of people have claimed to have dreams about stuff like that, like their partner having sex with another woman, and it's turned out what they saw in their dreams was actually happening as they dreamt it.
Mellisa: Really? I'm not sure I beleive that sort of stuff though.
Megan: Oh, it's probably a load of crap, but it is interesting though. My brother is a real wierdo, he thinks his dreams are interpretations of the future and stuff. (short pause) what? you don't think yuor having psychic dreams now do you?
Mellisa: No, i'm just thinking. It's wierd. I've never dreamt of him in our bedroom. But your right, it's probably crap.
Megan: Is that why you woke up all scared this morning?
Mellisa: Yeah, but it was a different dream. These last few weeks I've been having more violent dreams. This morning I got shot in a room of snakes.
Megan: Really? Normally dreams like that mean your psycologically disturbed. (they laugh)
Mellisa: Well, thanks for that! (short pause) you know I am so annoyed I didn't bring my phone, how stupid was that?
Megan: It's probably for the best, now you can take your mind of things.
Mellisa: You know your right. Come on, lets go do a bit of shopping. Reatail therapy works best when your spending the money of the person your mad at.
SCENE FIVE - LOOK'S LIKE I'M DRIVING BY MYSELF - MELLISA'S APARTMENT - EVENNIG
Mellisa returns home from shopping. She opens her door and walks into her apartment. She sets her bags down on the chair and notices her answering machine is bleeping. She pushes the button, and goes over to her coffee table to look for her phone as the message plays. We hear David's voice. He sounds awkward, as if he doesn't really know how to speak to her following their argument. He is unsure if she hasn't answered because she has been without her phone, or if it's because she is ignoring him.
David: Hey, Mellisa. Sorry I missed your call earlier, I uh, tried calling you back but you haven't been answering... (short pause) anyway, I've had to go on up to help mum, turjns out dad can't get up until around seven so she needed someone to help her set up. Um, give me a call if you forget how to get there. Try and make it for around seven. I'll, uh, talk to you tonight. (pause) bye.
During the message she finds her phone and notices 6 missed calls from David on it. When the message is over Mellisa looks at her clock and notices it is 20 past 6.
Mellisa: Shit. Looks like i'm driving by myself then
Quickly she grabs her car keys and makes for the door.
SCENE SIX - YOUR NOTHING TO HIM. NOTHING - CAR PARK - EVENING
Mellisa is quickly walking in the car park outside. It is currently winter and so it is all ready quite dark out. There is another woman in the car park. She is watching Mellisa walk across the car park. At first we are unsure who she is. As Mellisa walks past her, without noticing her, she starts to follow her. Her motives are unclear. As Mellisa puts her keys in her car the woman stops walking, 5 meters or so behind her and speaks. When she does, it becomes clear that the woman is RosalindJane.
RosalindJane: Mellisa?
Mellisa is a bit startled by RosalindJane. She jumps, and turns round to face her.
RosalindJane: Sorry.
Mellisa: (after a pause) Can I help you?
RosalindJane: My name is RosalindJane.
Mellisa: RosalindJane?
RosalindJane: Yeh. (short pause) your Mellisa, right? David's Fiance?
Mellisa: What are you doing here?
RosalindJane: I was with David today. (Mellisa's face drops. There is a short silence) He didn't tell me he was engaged. He logged on to my computer to check his E-Mail's, and when he went to the toilet I read them. That's how I found out. I'm so sorry, If I had known, I never would have done anything with him. I just thought you should know.
Mellisa: (short pause) David was at work today. (RosalindJane looks at her sympathetically. There is another pause before she speaks again) Your Lying.
RosalindJane: I'm sorry. I just wanted to -
Mellisa: (getting a bit emotional) No. He told me about you. He told me, your nothing to him. Nothing. Your only here because you want him. Well he's not interested.
RosalindJane: I don't want to be with him anymore, i'm only here because -
Mellisa: I know why your here. He wouldn't cheat on me. Not Now.
RosalindJane: Listen, I've known David for way longer than you have. And even I thought he wouldn't lie to me. But he did.
Mellisa: Just fuck off. And stay away from David, all right?
Mellisa gets in the car and slams the door. She gives RosalindJane a very dirty look as she drives off. As she does RosalindJane watches her, and begins to cry.
SCENE SEVEN - BREAKDOWN - MELLISA'S CAR - NIGHT
Mellisa is driving away from the car park, she is clearly thinknig over what has just happened as she has a look of distress on her face. The camrea goes away from her faces and focuses on thge digital clock in the car. It say's 6:27 on it. As we see the clock, we hear her begin to cry. The screen slowly fades to black, and then fades in on the clock again. The time is now 6:54. The crying has stopped, we see Mellisa's face. She still looks distressed, but there is a hint of determinition in there, and we are left to wonder what exactly has been going on her head throughout the last 20+ minutes. Suddenly her phone starts to ring, it has somehow fallen on the floor. She looks up and sees the road ahead is straight and nothing seems to be coming. She is on an isolated country road. She quickly goes down and lifts the phone, as she comes up she hears the loud horn of a truck, which has turned out from a turning previously unseen by Mellisa. Mellisa in fear, turns out of its way as she has drifted and risks collision with the truck. She escapes the truck and it goes on past her but she loses control and crashes into a tree. She is not flung forward because she is wearing her seat belt. The front of the car is damaged, but not substantionally. Mellisa gets out of the car and inspects the damage to the front of the car.
Mellisa: Oh For Fuck Sake
She looks as if she is both close to tears, and close to punching someone in the face. She goes in the car and lifts her phone. She tries to call somebody. No signal.
Mellisa: For Fuck Sake.
She throws the phone into the car in anger and slams the door. She kicks it. She's crying now. She takes a moment, looking around she can see a light not too far from where she is, presumably from a house. She makes her way towards it.
SCENE EIGHT - BERNARD - OUTSIDE BERNARD'S HOUSE - NIGHT
She walks up to the house. There is a black gate which is closed. The house is beyond the gate, and seems to be in it's own private land. The house is very big and very fine, and probably very grand and appealing during the day, but at night there is something very sinister about it, particularly because of it's isolation on this country road. There is a streetlight by the gate, and a buzzer which is used to communicate with the main house. She holds it in.
Mellisa: Hello? If anybody's there, I really need to use your phone. (short pause) Please, I crashed my car it's an emergency. (pause) oh for fuck sake.
In frustration she bangs the gate a bit. Suddenly she is engulfed in flash light. A man is behind her.
Bernard: Hey, what do you think your doing?
Mellisa: Oh, God, I'm sorry. Do you live here? I really need to use your phone.
Bernard: Is that your car, back there?
Mellisa: Yeh. I kinda crashed it.
Bernard: Have you not got a phone of your own?
Mellisa: Theres, uh, no signal.
Bernard: Well, the signal can be a bit crap around here. I don't have a landline but you can use my mobile, if you think it'll do you any good.
Mellisa: If you wouldn't mind. (He unlocks the gate)
Beranrd: Come on then.
SCENE NINE - ASSAULT - INSIDE BERNARDS HOUSE -NIGHT
Mellisa is in the living room, she is trying the mobile but she is still not getting a signal. Bernard comes in from the kitchen with two cups of coffee.
Bernard: Any luck?
Mellisa: There's no signal. Are you sure you don't have a landline?
Bernard: Yes. Here take this, you must be freezing.
Mellisa: Thanks. (she takes the coffee and sits down) is the signal always this bad out here? how do you manage.
Bernard: I don't have many calls to make. My sister bought me that mobile for my birthday. Didn't see the point in having to keep track of two phone bills.
Mellisa: (not so much understanding the logic in this) Yeah.
Beranrd: So, what is it exactly that brings you out here tonight?
Mellisa: I'm on my way to my Fiance's parents house. Meeting them for the first time. They live out here, somewhere.
Bernard: Is that so?
Mellisa: Maybe. I think I might have took a wrong turn about 5 minutes ago. I'm not too sure. I don't often drive up into the country.
Bernard: Your a city girl, right?
Mellisa: Uh, yeah. (short pause)
Bernard: Well, just you take a few minutes to calm yourself down, and then try the mobile again. The signal will come back.
He sets his mug down. there is a short silence. She notices Bernard is suddenly staring at her. She looks uncomfortable and moves backwards in the chair slightly
Bernard: That is um, a marvelous ring on your finger.
Mellisa: Oh? Uh, thanks.
Bernard: Can I see it.
Mellisa: Sure, I guess.
Bernard gets up, and she tands up. He takes her hand and admires it.
Bernard: It's fantastic. Where did you get it from?
Mellisa: Um, my fiance gave it to me. It's an engagement ring.
Bernard: I'll bet he did. (pause)
Mellisa: Do you mind if I use your bathroom?
Bernard: Why, of course. Go ahead.
Mellisa: thanks.
She takes her hand from him, and he reluctantly lets it go. As she walks off to the bathroom he watches her. In the bathroom, she closes the door and locks it. She sighs. She looks in the mirror and is clearly frustrated, she has a lot on her mind. She runs the water and splashes a bit over her face. She washes her hands and dries her face. She takes a good look at herself in the mirror and lets out a sigh. She opens the door and walks through the dark corridor towards the living room. When she gets there, nobody is there. She looks around curiously and walks into the kitchen. He isn't there either.
Mellisa: Hello?
She walks to the other end of the kitchen and out into the hall from the back of the kitchen. She can go left, or right. She turns to go left. Bernard comes up behind her, he is armed with a baseball bat. He gives her one swift clonk around the head and she falls unconcious.
SCENE TEN - STRUGGLE - OUTSIDE BARN - NIGHT
Mellisa becomes concious. She is lying on the grass. She gets up slowly, she is still in a bit of a daze. She hears a noise to the side, its the sound of a hatch door being swung open. She looks round and see's Bernard is walking quickly towards her. In fear she gets up and attempts to move away, but she doesnt get too far before falling. He grabs her and pulls her violently to her feet. She screams and struggles but he covers her mouth with his hand. He forces her along into a barn which he came out of. He screams at her to shut up. He brings her to a small hatch in the floor in the barn and throws her down it. She hits her head and is knocked unconcious once again.
