US I-10

I'm so pleased...this was hardly whiny at all. This didn't have any glitteringly beautiful imagery (and you know how I love imagery) but it had, as did your other recent poem, a sort of simple prose-y elegance. Nothing really struck me and made me say 'wow', but it wasn't bathed in obscurity or drunken hormones which is a common lament of your work.

my back, poorly stitched evidence
of last night's explosion.

Something is stitched after it falls apart or is beaten twice over or something, not from a big freaking BOOM! So I'm not sure "explosion" was the right word choice.

"You're fine,
without love, there is but death.

Is the punctuation right here? Because really, this sentance could mean a million different things.

and this is where I lean in my seat
to kiss my own skin and wish
it were his.

Change of tense?

forward marching
present tense

Repitition.

The ending could have been better. But I liked this style. I could see into it once I blinked back a bit of my own sleepy eyes.

I love the imagery here...especially concerning the I-10 since it's something I can relate to. Overall, I agree with Whitney...it wasn't whiny at all. And were you trying to rhyme rest, less, and best? Just curious...

Chevy--


Indeed, I was. I stole the rhythm from a sonnet for that last bit, as you might have noticed.


Best,
Brad