The Stilleto Performance

2 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 24
a debutante, a staccato stunt
she tripped over a donkey
a horrifying face, a bland blunt
the ass laughed in mocked affection

her embarrassed face, her exposed smile
the crowd pointed and put in her in a spotlight
her tears were despair, her lips were smeared
society rejected her as trash

but she did not give up, but she did not stop
her dispostion and composure were fleeting
she fought on, she caught on
she discovered liberation in finessing

she stood on stage, her wings were top - notch
her gown was floral and had jewelry
she was musical in performance, so sultry
the cameras said " i want to watch"


the man was fearless, he was proud
his daughter was treasure
the judges gave her first place
for courage and couth stature in a uncomforting position




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6165
Reviews 665
I love the way this was written but it was kind of vague. I think if I understood what it was about I would have enjoyed it twice as much. Overall, I love the imagery, I could see this having a little more dialogue perhaps, and some of the lines were choppy such as:

she was musical in performance, so sultry
the cameras said " i want to watch


Anyways, good work...I looked at your myspace and you seem like a very interesting person. Welcome to YWS.
when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.



We do have funerals for the living. They're called birthday parties.
— Jill Biden (fictitiously), Hope Never Dies