not even a farewell

and so I sit here in my comfy chair
the smell of censored reality on my breath
who says I can't laugh away the pain?
just that one little piece of me
able to see that one little piece of you
that will always be waiting, pleading, confused
I can't bear to swim
in the sea of endless impossibilities
hidden behind your eyes
not while I'm in my comfy chair
ignorant in my fragile contentment
so please, ask no more of me
and I would be happy to erase you
in a prolonged chemical spill

I suggest adding punctuation in appropriate places and possibly dividing into stanzas to help the structure/flow. Other than that, I have no substantial critique. I really liked this.

I agree with niteowl on the spacing, but I don't think you should add any more punctuation. I enjoy reading poems without punctuation; it keeps me aware, and it really just looks cooler.

bent wrote:and so I sit here in my comfy chair
the smell of censored reality on my breath
who says I can't laugh away the pain?

New stanza here. The last line...sounds kinda emo-ish. It's probably because of 'pain'.

bent wrote:I can't bear to swim
in the sea of endless impossibilities
hidden behind your eyes

Hmm, the second line is too long.

I like the second to last line, the whole theme takes a turn there. Although I'm not so sure about the last line. Prolonged?

Comfy doesn't seem to go with the word chair in this poem. Like it's too...homey while the rest of your poem is angsty/angry type tone. It's just kind of a "jolt" in the sentence and I don't think it fits. I would suggest an alternative word be used.

that will always be waiting, pleading, confused

This line was way too long. I suggest you seperate it at be/waiting.

and I would be happy to erase you
in a prolonged chemical spill

Loved the ending. A "chemical spill" is just brilliant.I really liked this poem. Maybe use a little less angsty language and try to make it just a little more flowy. Other than that, I can't really find anything else. Just revise, revise, revise! That's the key to good poetry. Tweak a line here, add some, lose some. It's all in the writing game.

Nice job, bent.

I back these comments and, in addition:

hiding(den) in (behind) your eyes

Hey there, thanks for all your comments. I would like to say to writingluver that the use of comfy chair in this poem was quite intentional. It's there to signify that I would rather be comfortable and ignorant than face the pain and challenges presented in the things i cannot have. Anywho, I wanted to get that out there.

I love the concept. It's like you bled all over the page. I don't think I can really comment on the choice of words in poetry like this, it feels personal. Although I would say the punctuation needs looking at..

Much love
AliceXoXo