good night sweet ladies good night

(oh what a noble mind here is overthrown)

look you -
the earth reaches for the sky
like spurned lover for spurning love;
the trees, brittle wrists and bitter bones,
scrape the skin to dull the pain

this skin here is parchment
this blood here is ink
and what rots is in this

and in you

save your weeds pretty reflection
but (rosemary for you) remember
what blooms this hour ripens soon past life
and down into the clay

here is where earth meets sky
where this lays amidst ripple-mimicked air
where duality ends
and this is I

oh envious sliver
my friend
be thou my guide

(good night, ladies; good night, sweet ladies; good night, good night)

This was definitely an experiment, and is as definitely very rough. A freewrite of my take on Ophelia's thoughts before drowning. Friendly fire anyone?

This was good indeed

umm.. u say it a free write I don’t think so.

look you -
the earth reaches for the sky
like spurned lover for spurning love;
the trees, brittle wrists and bitter bones,
scrape the skin to dull the pain

this skin here is parchment
this blood here is ink
and what rots is in this

I liked the starting, pretty likable.

I liked the flow of the poem especially in this para.
save your weeds pretty reflection
but (rosemary for you) remember
what blooms this hour ripens soon past life
and down into the clay

Well done!

It is rough in some spots, though I can't at the moment think of what would improve it. Generally, I like the rhythm very much.

The diction is appropriate to the piece.

I'm not sure what I think about your use of parentheses...

I would just suggest that you play around with line breaks and syntax, and see what of the flow you can improve.

this skin here is parchment
this blood here is ink
and what rots is in this

and in you

This really doesn't have a point to it.

Otherwise, this is a nice artistic view. A bit rough, sure, but still worthwhile.

Thanks guys! Like I said, it was just a freewrite; with your cc, I should be able to polish it up quite nicely. Ta!

save your weeds pretty reflection

Needs a comma after "weeds."

this skin here is parchment
this blood here is ink
and what rots is in this

Xanthan was right. This really didn't make sense, especially the last line. It's kind of awkward wording in a way.

what blooms this hour ripens soon past life

Too long of a line.

Overall, this poem was fantastic. I loved your choice of language in a lot of parts, even if some of it was long or didn't make sense (see above). You really have talent, Fand, and I like your almost brittle and brusque language choices when you write. It's like a fresh glass of water being poured over your head, but in a good way.

Nice job!