In Search of Sleep

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Gender Female
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Tossing and turning throughout the night
I listen to the nearby train
Who cries out in the lonely night
For company,
The hum of the TV,
Trying my best to find sleep,
But it eludes me,
While torturing me with a smile.
I try hard to grasp hold of it
Like in the dream where
The hallway never ends.
It hides in the dark like a wolf looking
For prey,
Waiting for the perfect moment
To attack.
Still I toss and turn,
Wrinkling the bed sheets.
Sleep is no longer reachable
And I beg it to come,
But it taunts me even more.
Right as I am about to give up
And climb out of bed,
Sleep takes me in his arms
Until finally,
I drift off before sleep can
Play its game of
Hide and seek again
Quarrels would not last long if the fault were only on one side.
--La Rochedoucauld

"An unexamined life is not worth living..."
---Socraties




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 688
Tossing and turning throughout the night
I listen to the nearby train
Who cries out in the lonely night

Overuse of "night".

Hope you get some sleep.
Carpe Diem.




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Gender Male
Points 1068
Reviews 164
I agree with Xanthan. Other than that, you might wanna try to balance it out a little more, and tweak the ending. People having trouble sleeping usually don't just drift off.

Overall it's good work though.

-MH



Edna began to feel like one who awakens gradually out of a dream, a delicious, grotesque, impossible dream, to feel again the realities pressing into her soul.
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening