So Many Rectangles

So Many Rectangles

I've noticed
how there's so many rectangles here.
The monitor, speakers, mouse pad,
desk, keyboard, the keys, tissue box,
my house, the streets, sidewalks.
Everything is in a neat little box.
But they're all different.

It's like people.
They all think the same,
do the same things,
some even dress the same.
Perhaps like the identical sidewalk squares.
Call me cliched or hackneyed,
but why do I feel like the only circle
in a world full of rectangles,
and squares. (Hahahaha!)

I pull at my hair
as if trying to coax the right idea out of my head
of what to do with myself now.
I let it go as I laugh at myself
and take the simple joy of my hair tickling at my shoulders,
as if telling me, "I'm here, it's okay."
And again, I can relax.



This would have been posted yesterday but my dail-up internet had other ideas.

lol, world of squares...

Anyways, The first stanza is a little awkward. Nice poem though.

It's not your best, yoha_ahoy. It was a just image that you were trying to convey, but the first two stanzas sounded so forced. And the middle stanza was a bit too cliched. I avoid using that world, sorry...

The last stanza was a bit better - I liked the ending, but it did not make up from the middle, which sounded a slight bit lower than I know you. C'mon, you can do better =]

I liked the message you were trying to convey about individuality, but some of the stanzas seemed too forced. In the second stanza, if you changed "It's like people." to It's like people:" it might help the effect of showing how everyone is, instead of just stating that it is like people. If that makes any sense, I hope.

Like gummy said, I've seen better from you. This seemed just like a bunch of sentences slapped together. I really think that you should turn this into a short essay or prose or something like that. You're a great poet, but this just seemed...okay, the only word is forced. (Like has been said already! lol)

and squares. (Hahahaha!)

What is the Hahaha for? There's really no point for it, unless you were just adding that on this site, but it's not really in the poem. That's not generally a good idea to add little comments in poems that laugh at your own humor...
Nice job though!

wellll what this was was basically you just trying to express an idea in your head. Not exactly poetic, but I liked the last stanza.

Hi yoha,


I find this very long as it is trying to find something worth saying. In that sense it is far, far too short.

There might be something in description of a senseless discussion with oneself or a friend about the geodesic curvature of life and love, or differential geometric interpretations of architecture, or really nothing at all. What a slice of life! Or a slice of slice.


All the best,
Brad