Bereft - This goodnight's kiss

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Honey, where are you tonight?
The stars are aligned and I
can feel your fire in my soul.
The light show of
lovesick lullabies
kept me awake for hours -
you...flashing through my memories,
tearing flawless attention
and stealing heartbeats away.
With you, when morning comes
I'd still be waiting for
a kiss goodnight.

I must admit, I'd never been so
in love before
passion burns and I'm cremated
by moonlight - shining on a
million dances and a thousand melodies
all caught on my breast.
It catches the whispers,
prayers glistening on my pillow
of what I wish to dream that night -

Je souhaite pour
les fleurs de lune
de son souffle angélique


star swinger, could you swing
some stars down to me?
It's lonely without fireflies
where lips meet my skin.
Granted, they still blink softly
on my fingertips, but I
still love to call your name.
lyrical or not, my cry still
means
Je t'aime, mon aime



translation:
1 - I wish for the moon flowers of his angelic breath.
2 - I love you, my love.
Carpe Diem.




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Wow. This was absolutely amazing! The parts in French are beautifully written, and sound especially good in such a gorgeous language. I'm sorry that I really have nothing to critique, but this was really very good! I look forward to reading more of your work! ^.^
"A poet in love is best encouraged in both capacities or neither." ~ Jane Austen, Emma.




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Very very very good. Gorgeous, beautiful. (Did I mention pretty?)

Just one question. *grins*

You don't happen to like writing 'long lost love/current i love you' poems and the like, do you? :lots_hearts:

Anyway, great job!




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This poem has some stunning lyricism. However, that middle stanza to me, feels somewhat contrived. It also doesn't flow the same way as the rest of the poem. The rhythm in that section is more staccato - not sure if you intended it to be that way. I love the line "Star swinger..."
Overall, a beautiful piece. Just could use a little tweaking here and there.
peace,
juli



For according to the trollish philosopher Plateau, "if you wants to understan' an enemy, you gotta walk a mile in his shoes. Den, if he's still your enemy, at least you're a mile away and he's got no shoes."
— A Blink of the Screen by Terry Pratchett