graveyards and roses (me and you)

there is nothing like staring dead
into your eyes.

the rose i gave you last night, dripping
with raindrops and lost tears,
will wilt on your windowsill next week.

i can feel your fear and love
tremble everytime i touch your skin
and despite the cold wind
blowing through the unhinged gate,
i know that there isn't a grave left
for either of us,

because we left that path a long time ago.

The italicized deadgave me a jolt. Very ominous. And a very strong way of starting off the poem. The second line of the second stanza = brilliant. Third stanza = lovely, but I didn't understand the grave analogy, and I thought that it ended off in a very weak way.

Pretty piece. I think it was a bit obvious...anytime wilted roses enter poetry, you're treading on old ground and it's hard to make it seem fresh and new. But still a nice read.

Brian

First of all, this was very..pretty. I loved it all, except this:

there is nothing like staring dead

i mean, c'mon...you're better than this. it's like a play on words and in a delicate piece like such, it sort of just made me roll my eyes. is there such thing as too clever?

Wilting roses is a fine metaphor. However,

Firestarter wrote:the rose i gave you last night, dripping
with raindrops and lost tears,

is OTT. I was confused as to exactly what you meant by

Firestarter wrote:i can feel your fear and love
tremble everytime i touch your skin

Are you saying that when you touch this person, their love trembles -- as in giving (a)way? And the same with fear: do you give them their strength but take away their love? I don't know that I entirely understand what you mean.

Overall, though, it was still -- like always -- exceptional.

quite lovely. I can't see any easy way it could be better, nor do I want to look. I really enjoyed it.

Another nice one, Jack. It seems so dark and creepy, but I suppose that's kind of the point... lol...

I have one friend who's memorized you know i'd sing for you and I know she'd like this one as well, so I'll have to send it to her. Thanks for the read.

When I read the poem, and I must admit I truly enjoy your writing style, I envisioned an "undead" feeling about the two. Maybe welcoming her to your side, is that the fear, are you beckoning her there (undeath) too? Or maybe, just maybe, I have no idea what I am talking about?

The second stanza is wonderful, really wonderful. I enjoyed this poem very much, but the beginning and end seemed disconnected from the middle.

One suggestion. Get rid of the italicized 'dead' in the first line. Comes off a bit tacky.

I enjoyed it and was also confused on:

i can feel your fear and love
tremble everytime i touch your skin

Overall good job.