Path of the Spirits(Writing Challenge 4/3)

The moon is full, the stars are out,
with sand beneath my feet. I feel the wind its
breezes sweet. Mist surrounding all I know,
for into the unknown I go. The waves crash, a gull cries.
The sweet sea grass stirring as I watch in solemn vigil for friends who in the grave lie.
For this is the night of spirits,the night when all is not what it seems.
I see them coming now, they shimmer in the moons silver beams.
These are the souls whose hearts have measured true. A path is made in the sea,
a path for spirits to travel through. I feel the sand shift beneath my feet.
The spirits walk on through the sea, to the Other World , where I shall someday be.
But for now, I wait. I stand on the sliver, silent shore. For I have just seen something
that belongs in forgotten lore. The wind is calm , the moon doth set.
And this night I shall never forget.

The moon is full, the stars are out,
sand beneath my feet. I feel the wind its ---------> maybe "there is sand beneath my feet." Think about an adjective in front of sand.
breezes sweet. Mist surrounding all I know, ------> I think you mean "its breeze is sweet" in which case you need an apostrophe before the s in "breezes."
for into the unknown I go. The waves crash, a gull cries. ----> Hmm. The rhyme of "know" and "go" is awkward. Reconsider. Change comma after crash to a semi-colon.
The sweet sea grass stirring as I watch in solemn vigil. -----> "is stirring"? Confusing.
For this is the night of spirits,the night when all is not what it seems. ----> change comma to a colon after "spirits".
I see them coming now, they shimmer in the moons silver beams. ----> apostrophe in "moon's".
They walk the path of spirits , follow I cannot. A path is made in the sea, ----> strange syntax here. "follow I cannot" - why not just "I cannot follow"?
a path for spirits to travel through. I feel the sand shift beneath my feet.
The spirits walk on through the sea, to the Other World , where I shall someday be. ---> strange syntax again.
But for now, I wait. I stand on the sliver, silent shore. For I have just seen something ----> Take out the second comma.
that belongs in forgotten lore. The wind is calm , the moon doth set. --------> I can see what you're trying to do her but the "doth" just doesn't work.
And this night I shall never forget. --------> Good ending line.

Overall, I have some reservations. First, your structure is all over the place. You have made no considerations for structure of line-breaks: they are random and inconsistent. This makes your poem very hard to read. Try to get a rhythm going that makes the poem better and easier to read. Also, cut your lines in sensible places. Second, your lexis choice is somewhat lacking. It is repetitive and in all honesty, does get a little boring. Get a thesaurus out and change a few for a bit of variety. But think about the impacts of different words and how you can manipulate them. Also, I know you're trying to write it in a classical way - I don't think it's worked. Try to be more simple and just do it in a more modern style. Otherwise, you have some good ideas here that with some more revisions could end up with a good poem. Keep going at it!

Thanks! I will edit. I do appreciate tips on how to improve my writing!

Oh , and if you are reading this, the poem is in a Celtic style.

The sweet sea grass stirring as I watch in solemn vigil for friends who in the grave lie.

this is too wordy for a sentance in poetry on one line. then again, it could fit the Celtic style. i wouldn't know - my sister's the one learning gaelic, not me. =]

Really? I have always wanted to learn Gaelic. How/where is she leaning it?

she bought a translation book at barnes and noble, i think..and some self-teaching CD. that's all i can say to help you. sorry.

Thank you! I will drag one of my parents to the nearest bookstore!