My Anti-Drug:Life

A wise man once said,
"If money grew on trees,
would you go and get an axe?
Or wait for the falling leaves?"

And I thought,
"Of course I'll use the axe, collecting what I own.
Who would let the leaves dive down onto the grass right in front of their home?"

What if the tree was your life?
And every leaf was precious time...
Would you get your axe, and accomplish what's yours?
Or let the moments slowly decay on the floor?

If I'm high, besotted, and blind
Of course I'm wasting my time.

I've got 86 more years to live
And I don't intend to waste it.
Before any leaf touches the ground
You can bet I'm gonna take it.


Note: this is an 'anti-drug' poem, for school. so i'm open for a lot of criticism.

Who would let the leaves dive down onto the grass right in front of their home?"

well, that's a mouthful. cut that down a bit, if you will.

What if the tree was your life?
And every leaf was precious time...
Would you get your axe, and accomplish what's yours?
Or let the moments slowly decay on the floor?

this stanza sounded awkward to me...lots of questions and nothing more.

Uh ... kinda far-out. I agree with Xan that that stanza had too many questions. Personally I dislike poems with too many questions and not enough answers, as it usually indicates a weakness, but that's not the issue. Some of your rhymes were good, I liked them. But overall it needs a lot of chopping and shaping so it reads better.

yeah, i realize i REALLY have to edit this. I'll be working on it, and thanks for all your help.
Does this poem even make sense? Because if it doesn't please feel free to ask me questions about it, I don't want to turn it in to school without anybody understanding what I'm trying to say.

Here's my quick edit:

A wise man once said,
"If money grew on trees,
would you go and get an axe?
Or wait for the falling leaves?"

And I thought,
"Of course I'll use the axe, collecting what I own.
Who would let the leaves dive down onto the grass right in front of their home?"
I'm really going to have to work on this stanza

What if the tree was your life,
And every leaf was precious time...
Would you get your axe,
Accomplish what's yours,
Or let those moments decay on the floor?

If I'm high, besotted, or blind
Of course I'm wasting my time.

I've got 86 more years to live
And I don't intend to waste it.
Before any leaf touches the ground
You can bet I'm gonna take it.