Under a Tree in a Cemetery

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Under a tree in a cemetery
I found peace under a rock
Where many have looked before,
Wondering what mystery
May lie beneath a silent slab
As the one beside my foot.
Under green trees and apple air
I found myself alone.
A boy whistling merrily
To a tune that no one knows
And content to watch the clouds drift by
Aimless, as his heart.
Eager to find the part of him
Which is still young and new.
A baby part, with soft
Pink skin, and fingernails,
As small as sparrow’s eyes.
The place which holds the wisdom
That drifts away,
In a sea of memories.
Consciousness sinks into wonder,
And wonder into awe,
Until all is right,
And much is wrong,
Though wrong is stifled
In the gravity of bones.
Last edited by timjim77 on Thu Jun 05, 2008 5:50 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Consciousness sinks into wonder,
And wonder into awe,


This was my favourite part, i liked the rhythm in these lines.
I did find the rhyming a little off however.

Overall the rest of the poem had really beautiful imagery. Good job!
Real poetry are those with the best words in the best order

~~~~~~~~Mandy~~~~~~~~~




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The rhyming in "Under a tree, in the cemetery," is cringe-worthy. It just sounds horrible if you say it out loud. I'd take out that as a last line and a first line. However, the main block of the poem is good and reads well. The rhythm is fairly good.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.




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"Under a tree, in a cemetery" is not meant to rhyme. The poem is free verse.




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Then it's unintentional rhyme: I never said it wasn't. All I said was it puts me off from reading it.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.




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Under a tree in a cemetery
I found peace under a rock

change one of the "under"s to "below" or something.

i loved the images in the latter part of the poem, but i think you could have provided a fairer ending. i don't say so because of the rhyming but just because it was sort of predictable.
Carpe Diem.



You got rid of them. Yes, that's just like you. Getting rid of everything unpleasant instead of learning to put up with it.
— Aldous Huxley, Brave New World