later days..

life's the same day after day
days begin and end in the same old way
my emotions are drained, my mind astray,
if only it would rain and wash my tears away..

the teacher drones on, we never stop writing
my brain is throbbing from the greenish-white lighting
i am barely aware two girls are fighting..
my emotions are drained, my mind astray,
if only it would rain and wash my tears away..

if only it would rain and wash my tears away..
maybe tomorrow will end in a different way
i'll have to wait..for later days..

Firstly. the rhythm of the poem didn't work for me. There was no easy flow to this poem.

if only it would rain and wash my tears away..

if only it would rain and wash my tears away..

I loved this part where the last line of the 2nd stanza repeats in the final one.
Overall, i think work on the rhythm. The poem has potential though. Keep writing.

I felt the rhyming was really forced... Also, I didn't feel the subject matter was new or exciting and it didn't speak to me too much. The repetition in the final stanza was effective, though. I liked that, as well.

Brian

The rhyming did seem a little forced at times, but there were also times when I thought it flowed perfectly. I see potential here, but much room for improvement

life's the same day after day
days begin and end in the same old way
my emotions are drained, my mind astray,
if only it would rain and wash my tears away..

The rhythm here is very off and it bugged me, but Angel17 already covered that, so I get to move on to more fun stuff! Okay, your first line is to the point and that is sometimes good, but it seemed a very cliche way to begin. Rephrasing it more cleverly would greatly improve the first stanza. I also suggest rephrasing the second line because 'same old way' was very boring. Something like 'day's rhythm beating a monotonous gray' might work better. Give the reader a picture to begin your poem with! I loved your 3rd line (especially the word 'astray'. I've always loved that word). Very well done. Your last line was good... but off rhythm. You could easily say 'Wishing the rain could wash my tears away' and at least cut closer to the rhytm AND shorten that line.

the teacher drones on, we never stop writing > couplet 3
my brain is throbbing from the greenish-white lighting
i am barely aware two girls are fighting.. > hanging line
my emotions are drained, my mind astray, > 4
if only it would rain and wash my tears away..

I think you need some punctuation in the first line - probably a semi colon. I personally liked your rhyming with the first two lines. You really gave me an image of the lighting and you rhymed efficitnly. More of that!
Okay, in the first stanza, everything rhymed with 'away' and it worked, but here, eh, didn't work so well. I have no problem with you changing the rhyme, but the way you structure it doesn't work. 'i am barely aware two girls are fighting' leaves me hanging. Okay, let's break up your stanzas into couplets and take a closer look.

life's the same day after day > 1
days begin and end in the same old way
my emotions are drained, my mind astray, >2
if only it would rain and wash my tears away..

See, in the first stanza, you have two pairs of couplets and I was expecting the same here, but instead you had one couplet - one hanging line that rhymed with the couplet - and another couplet. If you're going to have that 3rd line rhyme with 'writing', I suggest adding another line that rhymes to create a third couplet or the 3rd lines leads us into the second 'away' couplet and screws up the rhyme scheme.

if only it would rain and wash my tears away..
maybe tomorrow will end in a different way
i'll have to wait..for later days..

I liked your repetition - very good, but your 2nd line is out of rhthm and a quick fix would be to just omit 'in' so it reads 'maybe tomorrow will end a different way'. I didnt' like your last line though. It held much less power than the first two (partly because of repetition of first two, but still). I suggest omitting that entire line or rewriting it to be more conclusive and end the poem on a strong note.

There is a lot of potential here, but a lot of room for improvement. Nicely done and please keep writing.
PM me if you have any questions

the rhythm was off, so i suggest you read this aloud and omit needless words, or add them.
the rhyme appeared random, which is fine, but somewhat forced - not overly so, though, so no press of concern.
the repetition i liked, but a lot of lines, like those that follow, seems unnessasary and random.

i am barely aware two girls are fighting..

we never stop writing

this was good:

my brain is throbbing from the greenish-white lighting

Thanks for the comments everyone, I'm going to look over the poem and change some things. Especially Writersdomain, thanks for the big help.